The Versatile Blogger Award !

This post has been pending for long, not because I din't want to write, but because I was not sure what to write. When I started this blog, I was not even 1% sure that somebody will actually read it ! Now,after 2 and half years, I feel overwhelmed by the fact that people around the globe and all my friends take out time to read my stupidity. I still remember, I was so naive in expressing my feelings in English. My grammar and vocab sucked. I maintained a personal diary since the age of 14, so I knew I am somewhat good at expressing my feelings. But being a Marathi/Hindi medium student,and with no proper background/environment in school/collage, English always scared me. This blog and MBA preparation were the reasons I spent endless nights in learning the language.


@Soumya - You were the reason I started this blog. (Remember  Stalker Scare?:P). You were (and still are) the one whose constant feedback (and of course, taunts :( )  make me improve my writing each passing day. This blog is the reason we turned from strangers to enemies, then friends and then best friends ( at least I feel so :P). Thanks for everything my Lioness . And thanks for the award as well. It means a lot, specially coming from a diversified writer like you !


Hmm..What next? 


7 Random things about me - Well, I knew this would be coming one fine day ;) So I already have a post for this. In fact, I have 20 such things which make a stupid-unique "ME". Check out ... 20 facts about me


My favorite song - Summer of 69- Bran Adams :D


My favorite Dessert - Hmm.. Let's skip this part ;) 


What pisses me of - Dirty/messy rooms, flamboyant/unhygienic  people,  girls with poor dressing sense, poor English grammar ( Can you believe that?:P)


Best feature(s) - Damn ! I wish I had at least one :(


Everyday attitude - Make someone smile :)


What is perfection - Hmm..There is no such thing as "perfection".. 


Guilty Pleasure - Prefer not to reveal it ;)


People I will pass this award to -

This is the toughest part. Well, to be honest, I sincerely feel I am not worthy enough to judge someone's writing. So be it. Who cares about my opinion anyway when there are masters out there on this site :)


Cheers ! :D

Wrong Number and an Affair ! :D

On weekends, I don't usually wake up before afternoon. This applies even when somebody around me is dying (not literally, but still :D). I don't really need any entertainment or "counting-sheep" thing before sleeping. I just close my eyes and bang ! I am dead at least for next 8 hours. Today, that bastard suddenly started ringing at the ungodly hour. I just cut the call even without bothering to look at the screen. 5 mins of silence and it started ringing again ! "What the fuck ! go to hell you jackass !", I shouted and threw it away, hoping it to be broken. But it being Nokia's cheapest model, refused to give up. 10 more minutes and it started ringing again. Trust me, I was in a mood to kill whoever it was across the line. Fumbling, I somehow answered it. 


"You screwed my wife's life, you bastard. Now tell me everything that happened between you two !" a voice at the other end shouted, desperate to kill me. "damn !?" Within a moment, my brain searched for every possible "lady" in my friend list, but none came across as a "screwed-by-me" one. Keeping my voice level to minimum, I asked  "May I know whom do you want to talk to?". "Playing  smart huh? I know you are the one, Vivek!".
I heaved a sign of relief. "I am sorry sir, but you have dialed a wrong number". That gentleman was in no mood to listen. "Tell me your address and I will settle everything once and for all, you coward. You think you can tell my wife about my extramarital affair and sleep with her?". Now this was the limit!. I still tried to keep it cool. "I don't have any idea what you are talking about sir. My name is Manoj and I don't know your wife. You have dialed a wrong number". "Oh yeah, how would your mother feel if she finds out that your father is having extramarital affair?". Now though this was for that so called "Vivek",the effect of last night's drink and disturbed sleep started taking out the "real me". And I am a harmless creature only until my senses are in control. Once I lose the grip, there is no looking back. So I decided to jump in, for Vivek's and his married lover's sake !  


"Listen you jackass, my father is not like you. And when you can sleep with other woman, what is wrong with your wife sleeping with me? Now I am even going to tell this to all your family members. Do what you want to do !" (Sorry Vivek, I am putting you at stake!;)).


I could feel the anger reaching to its extreme levels at the other end. "You know who I am, boy? Once I find out your address, I assure you, you are dead. I know you are from Kolkata".. (My smart mind started doing quick calculations before going further. Now considering this number was a land-line one with code 020 (Pune), and Kolkata being a huge city and that too at the other side of the country , I knew this dumb is never gonna figure out Vivek's address ! ) So I went ahead. " hmm..I get that a lot, just go and sleep with your bitch you loser. And what I do with your wife is none of your business ! (Bingo ! I should get an award for that lame line :D)". 


Now that man started abusing me in local language. I was tempted to do the same, but stopped. (who cares? Vivek, being from Kolkata, must not know Marathi. Though it was still a mystery for me  how he came so long to meet this  gentleman's wife). "I swear to god, I will find you $@%$#%%$#%" .." the man had lost all his control. It was fun and I couldn't stop laughing. That made it even worse.


 "Tell me what do you want to get out of my wife's life?" he demanded after 10 mins of "fun-abuse-cry-torture" drama. Now you are talking buddy ! And after all the boasting he had done about himself, a thought of asking him a million rupees crossed  my mind. I knew he would happily give them away. (What ? Don't give me that look :P. I did not start it and opportunity knocks only once ! And besides, I am under heavy debt !) But alas, this bloody conscience and principles of mine always ruin my life. So all I asked him was "Okay. You immediately quit from your extramarital affair and I won't ever see your wife again!" ( Now this logic was more dependent on his wife, assuming if her husband comes back to her, she will put an end  to her relation with Vivek. Only Vivek will be on the losing side. But what the heck. If he can make a married woman fall in love, he will definately make it with someone of his age ;) Sorry Buddy :P ).


Two minutes of Silence and the man spoke.. " If I keep my word, will you keep your side? I was mislead. I promise never to hurt my wife again". Now it was necessary to pull his wife in so I added , "confess everything in front of your wife and tell her you are not gonna see that other girl again. It's a deal !" (Assuming she won't ditch him for Vivek or else this dumb-ass will again revert back to me :S) "Fine" the man said and simply hung up the phone.


 "Heck, forget about money, I din even get a "thank you" for reunioning two lives :(

When Alcohol Speaks ;)

1. Just 3 pegs down dude, I am not drunk !


2. I will drive, you just shut up and take the "driver's seat" :P


3. Today I will tell her that I love her. (But I will call from your cell, not because I am running out of balance, but because I want to call her from an unknown number)


4. I can die for you my buddy


5. Don't you think we will need more? I still feel absolutely normal.


6. I am paying the bill. Money is not important, you are. (After looking at the bill) - Only because you are insisting, but next time, it's my turn !


7. I never get high, you wanna bet?


8. This is my last peg . I will quit from tomorrow. I swear.


9. Do you think she loves me?


10. When I drink, I love everybody. :D

Top 10 Funny/Irritating Facebook status !

1. I am going Home - Seriously? And you really think people care?

2. Just took a shower - Dude, are you freaking kidding me? I hope you at least put on the clothes or did you directly come in front of your laptop to update status?

3. Feeling Hungry - Then go and eat, you dumb-ass. How hard is that? and why the heck the world needs to know about it anyway?

4. She broke my heart ,she is a bitch - I am glad she did. People like you who don't understand the word "privacy"  deserve to be kicked. And even if she had feelings for you, now after reading your status, rest assured, she is never gonna come back !

5. Reached Karnataka border, 120 km away from home- Well.. No comments !

6. Watching XYZ movie with my GF , it's awesome - How on the earth your GF din mind to come with an attention seeker like you? You idiot, if you keep us updating like this(not that we care!), probably this is the last movie you will ever watch with your GF.

7. I am in a sad mood - Tell me, what do you expect from us? Dance for you? 

8. Yippe, got a new laptop/mobile/bike - Buy one for us as well and we will think about liking your status or commenting on it :P

9. Feeling sleepy - Asshole and you still have time to update people about it. Just go and sleep. We don't care whether you are feeling sleepy or dead !

10. I will now have breakfast at 8 - For this one, I was literally banging my head against the wall for 10 mins. I mean come on ! Thank god you din feel it worthy to share your bowel movements !

Midnight

He sat there alone, in the corner of a dark room. The weather outside with dark night and heavy rain created a perfect milieu. “Do I have any reason to live without her?” He asked. But the mind refused to give the answer, knowing the rhetorical question. He was a strong person having ability to overcome the emotions. But again, he WAS. Today was different. His heart wanted to scream and this time he allowed the tears to flow. He remembered his old days. He was a man of honor and principles. There were no addictions, love life, whatsoever.  Over the years, things changed. And before he could recognize what is going wrong, he found himself trapped in the cruel hands of Love and now, suddenly released.

How can she do this to me? How can she end 4 years of a relationship within a minute? There were no answers. Just the questions. He was crying like a kid who might have lost its loveliest thing. Giving it a thought for few more minutes, he finally picked up a knife from the kitchen. The tool looked dangerous in his hand. He stared at it for a long time. Then slowly, he started cutting his vein. He felt no pain. At least not physically.  The darkness in the room overshadowed the red colored liquid oozing from his hand. Knowing that there is no pain, he stabbed the knife deep in his another hand and then in stomach. Memories from the childhood flashed in front of him. Loving parents, his achievements, the days when he was single and happy.  For a second, he decided not to die. “But it is too late now”, he whispered, feeling the weakness.

She was not sure how it would affect him. She din even have an idea that the funny plan of trapping someone on an April fool’s day could lead to his death. She gave no explanations,  just said “I don’t want to meet you ever, we are breaking up. It’s over”  and left. She was desperately waiting for 12 O’clock, to reveal the truth, not knowing that it will never be revealed.

“Should I call him? He is too sensitive and might take all this fun thing in a wrong way”, she thought.

“Oh come on, let us see his face when you tell him that you made him a fool, just wait for another half an hour”, one of the friends gave a “valuable” suggestion.

She hesitated. She had kept her phone off since morning to make him think that she is serious about what she had said. “What harm can half an hour do?” she said, oblivious that the harm is already done.

He could feel the drop of pulse rates. He was not sure how much time had passed . Drenched in the blood, he was now certain about his death. It was just a matter of time. “May be 5-10 minutes more”, he thought. He was worried about his parents. 

“How would they react after knowing their only son died?”. “Who would take care of them?”  “Is she of more importance to me then my parents?” . “Do I deserve to die for others harsh decisions?” A number of thoughts flooded his mind. But he was too weak even to respond to the thoughts. The phone on the table started ringing. He just smiled. “No calls on this number from tomorrow”, he said, slowly closing the eyes.

The unread message said, “ Hey, I am so sorry. We had a bet to trap you on April fool’s day. How can I ever leave you alone? The day you die, I will die honey. Please pick up the call, I love you.”

Awesome One Liners !

Well, these one liners always make me laugh, no matter fucked up my life is.
The most effective ones include






1. Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.


2. Girls are like roads, more the curves, more the dangerous they are. ;)


3. If you're looking for sympathy, you'll find it in the dictionary between "shit" and "syphilis"


4. The best way to lie is to tell the truth, carefully edited truth !


5. Silence doesn't mean your sexual performance left her speechless.


6. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.


7. Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?


8. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.


9. If you ever want to see a man cry..Put a beer in one hand and a naked woman in the other..And..MAKE HIM CHOOSE!


10. I used to think the brain was the most important organ in the body, then I realized --- look what's telling me that.


11. I dont make mistakes, I date them.


12. Do you belive in love at first site, or shall I walk past again?


13. I didn't lose my mind, I sold it on EBAY


14. By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may get to be a boss and work twelve hours a day.


15. Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich


16. See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time


17. I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing .


18. If I'd shot you sooner, I'd be out of jail by now :P


19. I don't have a solution, but I do admire the problem !


20. Early to bed, early to rise, and your girlfriend goes out with other guys. ;)

A Thought

"Despite having so many friends, why do you sit alone at home like an idiot? Go out Mani, enjoy the life!". I just smiled. Someone who doesn't even know about me was showing me the path to happiness. Though I am a party animal who is always ready for hangouts and mixing with everyone around, now-a-days I enjoy spending time with myself. Being alone doesn't necessarily mean you are sad. In fact when I am very happy about something, I just like to be with myself. Because this part of me is eternal. The only person who is not bound to materialistic things, when it comes to being there for me. Over the years I have seen friends and priorities changing. Nothing lasts the way you want. I mean think about it. How many of your old school/collage friends are still there with you? Even if they are, what is the frequency of calling them or when was the last time you met them? Dint they make promises to you once about not ever letting you go out of there lives? That they cant live without you or vice-versa? Nobody noticed but gradually the number of calls reduced from 5 times in a day to once in five days, then once in a week, then once in a month and now somebody just calls me on my b'day and then we don't speak until the next b'day. On social sites, they are just a part of  big crowd saying "Hi" or pressing "like" button. Everybody has excuses, "I don't get enough time" is one of them. How can you not have time for the people you care? And anyway, how much time does it take just  to say, "I am missing you and our old days?" You very well know that 10 mins of yours can add to someone's everlasting memories. What stops you then? It is really the time constraints or is it something else? Why is that the sharing 1 beer among 4 friends used to make you happy despite you now being able to afford a whole can for yourself? Why is that rides by filling 30 Rs. petrol in a friend's bike used be the best rides of your life but now a ride in your own car seems not so worthy? Why is that the pleasure of having 6 roommates in 1 BHK was more than you owning a 2 BHK for yourself? Why is that you still remember begging someone asking for his mobile just because you ran out of balance in the middle of the conversation with your best buddies but now when you have all the balance you need , you don't have someone to talk to for hours? The more I think about it, the more I feel that this so beloved Money has ruined everyone's life. I have started hating the words such as dreams, aspirations, career ,future growth. Why do you need all these things in the first place? Simple. To be happy. Isn't it ironic that we had literally screwed our one part of happiness in order to gain another? Why do you wonder where you will be in a year or two when you don't even know where you are now? Except your office colleagues, how many numbers are there in your cell? People whom you have not called in ages? I am sure you will come up with more than a dozen numbers. Weren't they an integral part of your life once? Now what happened? We always have the lame excuse of "Life needs to move on" . No, it doesn't. We force it to move on. Going back in times, I realize that the friends I have lost touch with are the most important ones and the friends I think I am so close to aren't exactly the greatest people I have ever met. So when you know that the people you gonna be friends with wont last for a lifetime, Isn't spending the time with yourself a better choice?

Dare to pick up the phone, I am an Insurance Agent !!

"Hello Mr. Manoj, If you remember I have had calling  you since one month for taking  LIC and you tell me to call in July asking about it". A voice over the phone with superior(?) English accent and who just "murdered" grammar with a mere sentence, literally made me jump of out the bed. "Heck , Not this jerk again !", were the only expressions I could afford . "So you are free to talk , right?" , the tone of his voice was rather commanding, than inquiring. Knowing that I have nothing else to do , I decided to pull him a bit and so started the conversation

Manoj - I can talk. Tell me what is it?

Agent : (For the reader's sake, I will translate his speech in what I think is "English !" ) Sir, are you interested in an LIC policy now? If yes, I can go ahead and provide you plans that suit to your requirement.

Manoj - (Haha, even I cant provide myself worthy enough to fulfill my own requirements,but anyway) I am , now. What kinda plans do you have to offer?

Agent : There are a number of schemes available. May I ask you how much do you earn per month?

Manoj : (Wow, thanks for suggesting me the easiest way to get rid of you !) 5000 pm. A flat reply .

Agent : ( Probably after a 30 second pause !) - Okay (This time he omitted "Sir" ;) ), and how much can you invest in a plan?

Manoj : ( Fuck ! This guy is a real optimist, try one more time Mani ) - Hmm..Dunno, around 500 rs? :P

Agent : Sir, as you very young, I would suggest you should go for at least 2k per month's plan.

Manoj : (Fine, it's now on Bitch. I am tough when it comes to give up , son!) I am sorry, but not possible, I just got married and have a wife to take  care of. Max I can invest is 1 grand.

Agent : That will do , sir. But I were told that you work with an IT company past three years. Your salary is a bit low as compared to your experience.

Manoj : (What the heck ! Who on the earth provides information to these people?) Well, the company fired me one month before.

Agent : Oh , I am sorry. But I do have plans for 1 grand. You can take that one as of now and later upgrade it or take a new plan in parallel.

Manoj - (Okay, I give up, you win .Happy?) Hmm.. seems good . So tell me about it. (Now considering the fact that I already knew what he is going to say because I already have a policy, I switched my cell to speaker mode , kept it aside, washed my face, changed cloths and returned.)

Agent : (Still talking ! It surprised me because he was "he" and not "she" ) x%$$^^%^&*.. You there ,sir?

Manoj : I am listening.

Agent : So as I was saying, maturity period can be 20-30 years, depending on your choice and you can get a fair amount which summons up to approximately 6 lacs. 

Manoj : (I get that amount in less than one year you jackass. But anyway, who cares?) It's not very much.

Agent : But sir, you are investing ONLY 1k per month. 

Manoj : (This time laughing on the insult ) . Right. But I met another agent who says I can get up to 15 lacs on the same investment. 

Agent : (Not quite sure about his own expertise in the field) I din come across such policy which gives so much return value. Can you tell me which company he represents?

Manoj : (only if I knew !)He has asked not to reveal the name. Sorry.

Agent : (Still not willing to give up)- As you can see sir, this policy does not involve risk factor. So you will not have to be worried about your money. And there are many additional benefits.

Manoj : ( Why the heck will I be worried about 1k per month anyway? And dude, can't you get it? I am not interested. Why did I start the conversation in the first place?) I don't want additional benefits.

(Do something you idiot..)

Agent : But sir, once you listen to me, I am sure you will be interested.

Manoj : ( It's high time for me to hang up ! So the drama begins!) - Hello..hello.. I can't hear you.

Agent : But I am getting your voice very clearly, as I was saying..

Manoj : Hello..Hello..I think some problem in the network . Please do call me after some time.

Finally ! Damn it, exhausted after this half an hour "Even-if-you-are-a-beggar, please-take-my-LIC-policy" conversation, I quickly added that number to my black list and heaved a sigh of relief. 

Insurance Agents ! They Bite :(