A Thought

"Despite having so many friends, why do you sit alone at home like an idiot? Go out Mani, enjoy the life!". I just smiled. Someone who doesn't even know about me was showing me the path to happiness. Though I am a party animal who is always ready for hangouts and mixing with everyone around, now-a-days I enjoy spending time with myself. Being alone doesn't necessarily mean you are sad. In fact when I am very happy about something, I just like to be with myself. Because this part of me is eternal. The only person who is not bound to materialistic things, when it comes to being there for me. Over the years I have seen friends and priorities changing. Nothing lasts the way you want. I mean think about it. How many of your old school/collage friends are still there with you? Even if they are, what is the frequency of calling them or when was the last time you met them? Dint they make promises to you once about not ever letting you go out of there lives? That they cant live without you or vice-versa? Nobody noticed but gradually the number of calls reduced from 5 times in a day to once in five days, then once in a week, then once in a month and now somebody just calls me on my b'day and then we don't speak until the next b'day. On social sites, they are just a part of  big crowd saying "Hi" or pressing "like" button. Everybody has excuses, "I don't get enough time" is one of them. How can you not have time for the people you care? And anyway, how much time does it take just  to say, "I am missing you and our old days?" You very well know that 10 mins of yours can add to someone's everlasting memories. What stops you then? It is really the time constraints or is it something else? Why is that the sharing 1 beer among 4 friends used to make you happy despite you now being able to afford a whole can for yourself? Why is that rides by filling 30 Rs. petrol in a friend's bike used be the best rides of your life but now a ride in your own car seems not so worthy? Why is that the pleasure of having 6 roommates in 1 BHK was more than you owning a 2 BHK for yourself? Why is that you still remember begging someone asking for his mobile just because you ran out of balance in the middle of the conversation with your best buddies but now when you have all the balance you need , you don't have someone to talk to for hours? The more I think about it, the more I feel that this so beloved Money has ruined everyone's life. I have started hating the words such as dreams, aspirations, career ,future growth. Why do you need all these things in the first place? Simple. To be happy. Isn't it ironic that we had literally screwed our one part of happiness in order to gain another? Why do you wonder where you will be in a year or two when you don't even know where you are now? Except your office colleagues, how many numbers are there in your cell? People whom you have not called in ages? I am sure you will come up with more than a dozen numbers. Weren't they an integral part of your life once? Now what happened? We always have the lame excuse of "Life needs to move on" . No, it doesn't. We force it to move on. Going back in times, I realize that the friends I have lost touch with are the most important ones and the friends I think I am so close to aren't exactly the greatest people I have ever met. So when you know that the people you gonna be friends with wont last for a lifetime, Isn't spending the time with yourself a better choice?

When life doesn't move on

A lot of things are going on these days. When I try to contemplate the situation two years back to the current one, I realize that nothing much has changed in life. Time is running faster than I anticipated. The concept of enjoying life as a youth is lost somewhere among career growth , Struggle, financial stability, family issues, load of loans, and other worries. After few months, I will turn 24 and damn it, living this way makes no sense to me. Being a happy-go-lucky animal, my nature does not permit me to regret over the mistakes I did. I think, I think a lot. I do realize the fact that it's not too late and there are some major things I can still start over or change. But I lack the power to implement them. The feeling of loneliness is the toughest to get rid of. Despite having blessed with so many best friends, at the end of the day, I literally need to convince myself that I am not alone ! Office work has no connection whatsoever with what I thought I would be doing at this stage. I always dreamed big, but my aspirations have buried somewhere in the corner of my heart after successive futile attempts to make them a reality. What I do today is just to pay my bills and loans. Financial security always overcomes my willingness to take a risk and in turn, my self-confidence. With my comedy nature, boyish charm and mature thoughts, I have always been centre of attraction for people. But these things are no longer helping me to stop ever growing inferiority complex. There is not one aspect of my life in which I am good at. Work wise, forever fluctuating between whether to continue with technical field or to get an MBA. Financially, despite earning a decent salary, overburdened with loan EMIs. Love life wise, still a single despite having opportunities to get along with caring, beautiful friends. Family wise, despite being the only son, the inability to call parents to stay with me due to other worries. An Introvert who once did everything that it takes to be an extrovert is eventually turning into an introvert again. I feel I have isolated myself from the world. Now, most of the times I sit idle at home thinking for hours and trying to put some sense in my life, but nothing much comes out. It hurts and feels helpless to see myself turning from once an advice consultant to an advice seeker. Heck ! Life sucks. It does. I need to figure out how to deal with these things otherwise soon I will be a body living with no respect, self-confidence and in turn, no soul.

Confession of a Regretted soul

I lost 30K in Poker. This is first time in my poker history I lost so much money. I had stopped playing poker 7 months before,despite being very good at it. Though till date I have earned 1000s of dollars in poker, I stopped playing because somewhere deep inside I thought this is not a way to earn money. Now today, after 7 months, I was in desperate need of money for some family issue, so I decided to gamble. (This is not gambling,but still..) Ahh..nothing was in favor. My heart was screaming and asking me to stop, but I dint. What is wrong with me?In hope of earning more money,I lost my 3 month's saving. This is not a very good place for repentance but I have to tell it to someone. Anyone. So much for a guy who once boasted about his ability to control his mind. I feel like an idiot. I swear on my parents,I will never play poker again.

This is not about money,this is about life's principles. I never go against my principles,no matter what. I am sure I can earn everything back in one night, but I don't want to. I am glad at least I din lose anything from my pocket because that was poker saving. But damn it,when you are in need,source doesn't matter.

Anyway, good that this chapter ended once and for all. This has to end someday. The early the better.

Something From Deep Inside

Yesterday I was waiting at a railway station to receive my friend. One stranger came to me and asked for 100 Rs. change. While giving it to him, a 2 Rs. coin slipped outta my wallet, so, by habit, I Picked it and touched it to my forehead. And I realized the stranger in front of me was in tears !

I asked him the reason, he didn’t reply but on the other hand, he asked back a question. "Why did you touch that coin to your head?”. I, being a fool, gave a foolish reply, "It’s Goddess Lakshmi and I should respect her". And I was astounded by the stranger’s reply. “Always give respect to your money. There was a time I was a millionaire. But I never respected my wealth, and now look at me. I don’t even have money to eat daily bread." And without waiting for my reply, he disappeared in the crowd.

When experts discuss topics like Recession, slowdown, cash crunch, layoffs then I feel frustrated by the hype we have created about it. I am no finance expert neither this is the topic I can talk. But the effect that these things have on our daily life forces me to think about something.

Our forefathers came from many different villages to the city. They bought houses by saving each penny. During those days, words like “savings” were not for teaching people how to and why to save. That was an integral part of our forefather’s lives. People used to save money at least 2-2 months before buying an ordinary item like pressure cooker. The house was not addressed as “one-room-kitchen”. No matter how small the space is, the feeling that we are living in our “own” house was sufficient. No one really needed their “own space” for living. So dozens of guests were welcomed In a 2 room house. Women had so much daily work to do that they never had necessity of joining aerobic/yoga classes. People not only knew their neighbours but everyone in the town lived as if they are a family.

Then time changed. Wages of our young and dynamic generation increased day by day. We now came to our "Big" apartments! Earlier when relatives used to come, we had very little space to accommodate them. Today, space has expanded but now we don’t even have time to visit them, let alone staying there for a couple of weeks. In earlier days, there used to be only one TV and entire village could claim its authority on it. Now-a-days we have at least 3-4 TVs in a home because everyone wants to watch a different channel. Gone are the days when people used to buy new cloths only on some special occasion. Instead of having cheap or expensive category, we now have "full payment" or "EMI." or "credit/Debit card".

Do you even realize how much we have changed our definition of “NEED” with the changing time? (and of course salary). I am not saying this because I don’t want money. I certainly do. I love it as much as you do. But that is not the whole issue. The question is if tomorrow something bad happens and we have to manage with a very little amount of money, will we be able to do it? I guess NO. Are you aware that banks are not only for the purpose of drawing money but sometimes we should also deposit something in it?

Let’s see positively towards recession, slowdown or the layoffs incurred because of it. In these situations, we will at least come to know what our true "needs" are. When everything was fine, we had enjoyed it to the fullest. So why can't we accept it if the situation is not so good now? In greed of earning more and more money, do you remember how many old friends and relatives you have lost? When was the last time you called all the numbers you have in your cell? or visited all the people you lost contact with? When was the last time you saw the sunset or sunrise and smiled? when was the last time you actually not worked and relaxed for a day with your family? Have you even talked once to your next door family or your neighbour ?

Let’s spend 30% of the time in a week for doing the things that won't help us to earn a penny. Just fill your life with the people you love, for your hobbies, for the things you want to do and see, how Happy you are..! We really have "lot of money" but the problem is, all our money is wasted in showing people that we have it. Let’s not allow things like recession or depression affect us. Don't forget about the rule of nature. Something that is going up will certainly go down sometime.

Get hold of your "piggy bank" laying somewhere in the corner of your room. Open it gently. what do you find? You will find some coins that you had saved for buying something that you like, you will find a clock that you had bought for your father from your very first salary. You will find the ticket of a bus you boarded while going for your first interview! Can you see that yellow ticket?? It's the ticket of a movie you watched by saving money from your pocket. Search deeper in your piggy bank. What do you find? You will find a plenty of free time, memories, struggle, those funny moments with your near and dear ones, those crazy things you did with your friends, that canteen, your last bench, those 20 Rs. prepaid recharge coupons, friends who were so close to you once but now the inability to contact them, and many things that you gained or lost during your journey. Just watch that piggy bank once with your eyes wide open and then close it. Keep that piggy bank in a place where your eyes will always remain focused on it and then continue with your life. Does something just changed? If yes, what is it? :)

Need or Greed ?

You have money, luxuries and everything you want, perhaps more than you deserve at the age of 22.

It has been said by someone, "If you really want to enjoy your life, forget the past and try to be in present". Well, but there come certain situations when you really need to sit back and think over the deeds that you had done to be in the present ! Struggle to achieve more and more in life and hallucination of being happy afterwords is not the person's nature. You may object, being greedy or not is in our hands. But if you can't distinguish between Need and Greed then may be it's  not your fault! 

From childhood, we always find ourselves struggling and the process is still going on, when we were in school, we were assured that once we get into a good college, life will get settled. Having accepted it as our elder's advice, you burn our asses and try to score maximum, entering into a good college. Were you satisfied? The process takes no longer time to repeat itself. In PUC, you do it to get into engineering or some other crap field, in engineering, you do it for campus and finally you find yourself in one of the best MNCs, does that end your struggle? No, It goes on until one fine day you find yourself in the grave yard. I agree, these are essential things in life and cut-throat competition has made them a need. But the way I changed from a very simple person to a "No-feeling-for-others" type of professional adroit was my need or greed? I would never be able to answer it. The world will crush you, if you are a good-hearten, emotional or sort of. No one  remembers you unless he/she wants you for some reason and it's a bitter truth. So just to protect ourselves, we need to put a mask of a cunning, diplomatic animal, though you strongly feel that it's against your principles. But the very feeling will never make you happy if you have changed for need and not for greed !