Oh Womaniya ! :)

Yes, it was you (Eve), who was responsible for the fall of man. Yes, also agree that it was your (Draupadi) giggle that started the Mahabharata. You (Sita) were responsible for Ramayana, also agree with that part. You (Helen) burnt Troy, agree. You are responsible for some of the greatest (Taj Mahal) and the worst events of mankind, accepted. But why did that happen? It is because; we (men) need you. We’ll burn the world, wipe away humanity, and fight against God, for we need you. Bats are blind by nature, whereas though we have eyes, we are blind by character. It is you, who fills in the light in our lives and shape our character, so that we live like an honest man.

You (Mom) are always considered to be the weaker sex, but I understand your strength, for you bore me in your womb for 9-months and did almost all the daily routines and your man (father) only watched and helped a bit, which was his best. You bled, so that I may live. Your strength is what makes me breathe today, and makes me part of the stronger sex. Today, I proudly announce to the world that, I have a heart of a man and strength because of you. If anyone comes up to me, and says: ‘Don’t be a girl dude, be a man’, I’ll with an elan say, ‘I don’t mind being a woman, for my mother is one’. Next time someone says you are weaker, tell them about the son you have.
You (Mom) are considered to be nagging, but later I realized that it is your constant nagging, that today makes me keep my room clean, walk straight upright, close my mouth while I sleep, pick up the rice bits after dinner- so that cockroaches do not roam around, write in good hand-writing, keep my computers motherboard intact by dusting it regularly, keep the required change in my pocket so that I can easily buy a bus ticket, treat girls with respect. Please don’t stop nagging, I may ask you to shut up like I always did, but you please don’t stop it, just like you never did.

You (Granny) are considered to be an old story teller and repetitive, but it is what gives me that extra answer to win in the tie-breaker of a quiz, a story to tell the little kids to keep them entertained, to tell my friends the history of a place to score that extra brownie-points. You are the reason I have preserved the ethics, the values, the culture for which people around me admire me. Today, when you are no longer a part of this earth, I miss you even more. I miss your basen laddoos, I miss the ways you protected me from my parents bash, when I did naughty things. You are the reason I had awesome childhood. You are the reason I valued my principles and morals in life. I hope one day, you will look from the sky, and be proud about your grandson's achievements. 

You (sister) are considered to be the one throwing tantrums, but this is what makes me get my shirt ironed by just dropping you at the bus-stop. Your tantrums, keeps my room clean, your tantrums give storyline to my blogs. Your tantrums, makes me know, how much you love me, when I am sick. If it weren’t for your tantrums, I would not have known the art of combing my hair well, cleaning my shoes and get things from dad, which only your tantrums could do. If I had never fought with you for the TV remote, I would have never hated ‘Bobby Darling’, ‘Ektha-Kapur’, ‘saas-bahu sobs’. Keep throwing your tantrums, keep acting pricey, it helps me, with Dad and with other girls and for keeping me away from the TV-ghost. For without your tantrums and pampering, I would have never missed you, when you’d leave me. I feel jealous of the people who have you. I always yearned to be a brother. But I guess I am not that lucky. But nevertheless, that doesn't stop me from admiring this form of you!

You (friend), people say bitch about others, you are branded as gossip-monger, but if it weren’t for you, I would have never known the news about the most happening things, I wouldn’t have been on guard against the cunning foxes and vixen, I wouldn’t have laughed out till I cried at someone with a bad hair day, I would not have understood the difference between pale yellow and lemon yellow colors. It is because, you are in my life, I can cry in a corner and still not be laughed at. It is because of you I’d still have a friend no matter how many times you get hooked up or break-up unlike guys, whose friendship and time lasts only till he finds a girl. Spread gossips, bitch about others and keep me close to your heart, for you are the one who keeps me sane and hopeful.

You (Love); most of them say is a headache, a burdened commitment. But am glad, I’ll someday have you. For then I shall know, how to look at life in a different way. If I wouldn’t have this headache, I would never shaved properly, never eat in the best restaurants, would not work that extra hard to earn that little extra, would never stop smoking and boozing, I would not enjoy the rains. Someday hope you will give me these headaches, for I want to understand people’s emotion, write the best romantic poems of my life, and plan for the future. I am still looking for you! Hope you will come soon, for my life without you, has no meaning.

You (wife), they say is a trouble. But I am happy I‘ll have joyful troubles. Trouble of being a man, trouble of keeping my woman happy, trouble of being a rock-star’s father, trouble of taking you to the most exotic places on earth, trouble of spending and saving money, trouble of being addressed as someone’s hubby, trouble of crying with you, laughing with you, sharing a life with you. You will be one precious gem that I will preserve for a lifetime. Without you, I’d be happily left alone, with no one to wish on my birthday and no one to cry when I’d die. So keep making troubles in my life and give me kids, who’d make my life happily-miserable. For I want life, and for that I need you as a trouble.

I do not how else to thank you, you exist in different forms, from being the one who makes sure I’m never late to the office, to the one who nurses me when lying hopelessly on a hospital bed. We need alcohol in our systems to have guts and speak the truth, but you do it just like any other thing. It helps. You taught me the first alphabet, and you make me write Romeo & Juliet kind of stories. You are the life of a song and the death behind the death-meal. You are the soul of Titanic movie and the brains behind simple but most essential things. Unless you point out to me, I would not even know, who my father is. Einstein swears by you, a baby hopes by you, Edison learns from you, a Kolkattan destitute smiles by you(Mother Theresa) and irony is, even a pimp lives by you. You are degraded by some of us, yet we hold you the most dearest in our lives. You may well be just a rib of Adam, but you are the breath and reason behind every man.

To all the lovely women in my life, who are present now, and would come in as I move-on in life. Love to you. May your lives shine, so that I’ll be fine, I may sound like a selfish dog, but in your case, I am happy to even be a dog, for I wish to be faithful.

Dedicated to all the wonderful women in my life (the ones who are present, the ones to come).

P.S. I found this article in my old mails. I just edited it a bit. :). Not sure who the actual owner is.

The other aspect of Life.

Again, long time huh? :) I went through the blogs of all my dear follower friends, and was saddened to see, that, like me, most of them have not updated their blog. Well, they might have their reasons, just like I have my own. Chintan, if you ever read this, please add me to your invited readers' list. I am a huge fan of your articles. But sadly, I guess it is now open for invited readers only. I am trying since 1 month, but I have no idea how to contact you. Mirage, drag that asshole to the court for copying your contents :D  Aliza jee, add in your invited reader's list, NOW! :(. TOSM, if you ask me, you still are "very much you" :). RED, God doesn't have ego clashes :P prey! :) And yes, fill your cavity! And last, but certainly not least, my dear Soumya (Hope you don't get offended by the "dear" word now) :), I loved your Honest posts. I Wish you and Cal live a happy life ever after!

I didn't go to office for two days. I wasn't feeling like. There is nothing/no one in the office that motivates me to go. The concept of having office friends around after office hours is gradually diminishing. People here barely talk something other than work, let alone spending quality time after office hours. I have never lived my life like this, so it makes things difficult at times.

Flat shifting. Another cruel joke faith played on me. I was very much happy with my old fashioned but convenient flat. But thanks to my father's surprise visit. I hate surprise visits. Specially when they are from my parents. That So called sucky device called mobile started showing my mother's number at an ungodly hour of morning 5. The first thought that crossed my mind was, "Is everything okay at home?" I prayed to God for the first time in my life. But alas, I should have prayed for myself instead. As soon as I picked the phone,  my mother shouted, "Beta, we are outside your flat. Please come down!". I literally went numb at that moment. I mean come on! This is not fair! I might have been awarded some world record for cleaning my flat in about 2 minutes and 30 seconds, which includes hiding all the underwear, shorts and other not-so-showable stuff, all the bear bottles, cigarrate packets, putting new bed sheets, spraying room with at least 2 full sized air fresheners and what not. Anyway, mother, being a women kind, was suspicious about the sudden freshener's fragrance in my flat. But since I am good with the words, that part went well.

One look at the flat and my father was like, "you can't live in here. End of the discussion. Period." I rebelled, gave my reasons of staying in that flat, but he was determinant. I hate his contacts and reputation. He made only ONE call and my new flat was arranged within 2 hours. No brokerage, No deposit. But now, instead of paying 7 grands, I will have to pay 10 grands. Well, it sucks. But considering that flat and locality, I guess it is worth it. Being a poor son of a rich father has its own advantages and disadvantages. I took 2 days leave from office, but my father shifted my luggage within 4 hours. Since he had some meeting to attend, my parents left on the same day. Since I wasn't feeling like going to office, for remaining 2 days, all I did was to wander in the city.

I went into the restricted areas of Mumbai. I went to Dharavi, the biggest slum area in Mumbai. At the entrance, there was one police constable who stopped me, saying that this locality is very dangerous. I just smiled and said, " I will manage". At the worst what could happen? Loot? Murder? My life is not that cheap that somebody can take it without my permission. And scariness? It's a feeling that I have abandoned long ago. When I am not afraid of death, I am certainly not afraid of anything else in this world. So I went to observe life. Life of the people who barely manage to live. Who don't care about these glorious flats in a 10 story buildings or locality. Whose only aim is to survive for the day. I went deep inside the slum area. I saw children who were hungry and diseased. Adults, who were carrying weapons, who have entered into the life of crime, because they tried so hard for an honest work but the fucking government can't even give them a job of 100 rs/day. I met with young women, whose husband/family forced them into the heinous job of prostitution. Their beauty, or even worse, their gender has now become their curse. But I observed one thing, at least they all looked happy and satisfied with their lives, no matter how hard it is for them to survive. Again, I just smiled. When I wander in the elegant and sophisticated localities, where people travel by Porsche or Mercedes, all I could see is depressed faces or fake smiles. They seem so irritated, stressed. That makes me think, can money really buy happiness? What about satisfaction? You can't buy it. It has to come from within.

We are so busy in finding the answers that we don't actually understand the questions.

I am legend ! (Zinda Hu re mai) :)

Ahh.. So much to catch up! I miss my blogger friends, their articles. I do read your posts guys. It's just I am not getting time to catch up with you. Once this phase is over, we would be together :)


 I am one of those idiots who take critical decisions of life according to mood swings and then regret it for a life time. Resigning my job is one such example. I know I have been cribbing about my job since a while, but quitting it when the experts have predicted a recession, and that too without having any other offer in hand, is a foolish step. Now job hunting is on my nerves. It's not that I won't get a job within 3 months notice period. I certainly (hopefully?) will. The only problem is I cannot be choosy. Let's see how it goes :| Pray for me and you will get a treat, if I get my desired job :)


Petrol hike. Another cruel joke fate (or govt?) played on me. I mean come on! I was a pedestrian for one goddamn year. Only when I finally got a bike, these bloody prices are soaring. Now I am thinking to sell the bike and buy a bicycle. If this rising in price continues, soon my take home salary won't be able to take me home :(


I*fy freezes salary hike. Either these people are a bunch of dumb asses or they don't at all care for their employees. After NRN's retirement, I*fy is no longer a brand name or "a leader" as they quote it. Working hours, appraisals, policies, salary and many other things are there just to suck the blood of an employee. Anyway, I have already put on my papers so I don't care about it anymore.


I am definitely going to vote this time. Not because I want to see any other party in power, but I certainly don't want to see C**gre*s pimps taking decisions for common people. No matter what happens,  C**gre*s is NOT getting a chance to screw up with people's lives this  time. I am so sick of their wanton deeds, I would kill two people of G**dhi Family, Our pres*de*t, Fi**nce min*ster, Agr*cu**ural min*ster, min*ster of home aff**irs, min*ster of petrol**m and na*ural gas. (Not PM, huh? No need. Kill G**dhi and he is anyway gone!) and then happily commit suicide, if that is the price I need to pay. And I mean it. (Yeah, Ka*il S**el, Monitor this blog, if you can, and shut it down, I don't give a fuck! ). So if you haven't voted till date, I request you to consider it this time. Please. Every vote does count. It's high time that We, the young crowd, need to take things seriously.


Well, that's all as of now. See you guys soon. Bu-bye bros and sissies, and girls! ;)

"Out of Mind" Reply!

I am currently out of my mind. But you may leave a message!

Regards,

A Careless Blogger with a fucked up life!

Rape of a poor language ;)

Few people are bad with grammar and languages. But raping it to the core is a different thing altogether. My higher authorities, for example, speak like a random word generator software. It’s like they know the words necessary to complete the sentence but they just put them in any order, irritating readers/listeners to the extent that we literally scratch our hair. As these people are born entrepreneurs, they refuse to abide by the grammar rules and instead, create their own “raped” version of a sentence. Here are some golden sentences from my friends and some other people.

   If you want(have?) any issues, mail me.

   Why the heck I want to do that?

   You are confusion.

   Asshole, say this to your child. I am not confusion. I have a confusion.

   Please be on top of this issue.

   Thank God, you are courteous enough not to mention the position!

   I am having a bad headache today

   Yeah, as If I get a good one

   This issue is very erotic no?

    Sir, you speak like this in front of the people whose first language is English. And then you complain why aren't we getting enough business from these clients. It’s erratic , you hole.

   (To a Girl) – You will work down with Manoj!

   No wonder I didn't see that girl again.

   I am taking my “wife’s back” to  a doctor

   Haha, lets just hope buddy. You get the point. Don’t you?

   I am taking leave for 2 weeks. So you can expect my absence in that duration

   How hard was that to guess, huh?

   You did it tomorrow, no?

    I just can't take it when people append a "no" to every sentence they speak. And Nope, I will do it yesterday!

   I will brief you "in detail" about this topic today

   Thank you sir, thank you very much. Only Rajnikant or you can do it.

   Would you like to “cum” with me? Ping me.

   No thanks, I would rather “cum” alone :P

  

An unconventional valentine Story

This is the first time I felt it worthwhile to post someone's article on my blog. A must read :)

Splash story winners…

This story won the third prize. But it simply deserves the first place. Truly amazing.

Do take sum time to read it. An unconventional valentine story…

Third Place - Prathama Plakkatt

Valentine’s Day is not just for the young or for lovers. It’s the day we celebrate love with person whom we love most and whom we want in our life forever! This fictitious story is about one such person.

Prakriti, as I am called, was born to a single mother but it was when I grew up that I realized the stigma attached to it. So we both went far away from the people who knew us and whom we knew to started life anew, me as student and mom as a teacher. As time flew by, I had become a successful pediatrician, on the way, achieving a state and university ranks and many accolades!

One day as I was at work, I got a call from mom asking me if I can come home a bit early than usual. I felt something amiss as mom never called me during work hours. I immediately applied for an emergency leave and left for home.

The moment I saw her, I rushed to her and hugged her. I felt her softness – she was so soft, her skin full of wrinkles and her warmth had unlimited love – love that you can receive from no other than a mother! I wanted her hug for a long long time, I never wanted her to take her hands off me, but then she pulled me back and took me to her room. In all these years that I was striving for my achievement I had never once gone into her room. But after all these years, I felt like I was entering a museum – that had every single memory, every single achievement, the simplest of the simple beauties of my life!

My mom opened a small box and placed it in front of me and asked me to open it. I thought she had brought some jewellery but to my surprise it was something extraordinary, something precious, something even money can’t buy! She had collected all the things, the tiniest of the tiniest things that I had thrown away – there were hair pins, ribbons, small buttons of my dress, toys, clips, the friendship band that I had got from my friends, greeting cards, the dresses that had torn and I had asked them to use it as spare cloth, rubber bands, the flowers that I had thrown away after cultural programs, the pens, pencils, crayons, painting box and brushes, dissection instruments, nose rings, bangles, earings, bracelets, the letters that I had written to her when I was away from her and even one of my tooth that had fallen – the list is endless. It was a box filled with memories, a box more precious that anything else in this world. She told me how she would look into that each night before sleeping so that she felt closer to her daughter. My eyes moistened on seeing that, I could not speak, I had done an unrepairable wound in my mother’s heart, but she never once complained, even now when she opened the box! I regretted – regretted for not caring for my mom, for my own selfishness, for my own happiness that I had got by suppressing my mom’s wishes and most of all not giving her my TIME – something that will never ever come back.

After a long silence she asked me “Can you be my valentine?” I was speechless! I checked the date – it was 14th February. All through my growing years I had celebrated this day with friends, enjoyed a lot, I had got many gifts too but never once had I thought that my mom could become my Valentine! How wrong I was!

As my eyes filled with tears, mom’s face blurred. I realized what true meaning of Valentine was. All I could say was a simple “YES!” - And it was forever the best Valentine’s Day for me – for life!

The Corporate Creatures! ;)

 “I-know-how-to-use-my-charm" girls
These girls are usually blessed with an angelic/pretty face and a perfect body. They define the word "beauty". And the worst part is, they know what they are and how to use their charm. They don’t really need to struggle in order to get the work done. Be it a coding assignment, which they pass on to their colleagues by saying “DEAR,(yes, this much is sufficient for a guy) could you do it for me, please?” or a leave application to be approved my their managers. They spend half of their office time over phone or talking nonsense (or in washrooms, for that matter!) and still manage to get the best rating by their mere charm. Everyone in the team including married bastards try hard to hit on them and these girls don’t mind. For it serves their purpose too to have a licking puppy. These girls usually neglect people who have no commanding position in the project and chess after people like team leaders or managers who are responsible for hike in the paycheck. They are pain-in-the-ass for people who slog almost 10 hours a day in office and still get no credit, because higher authority prefers to scan these girls’ inner-wears rather than checking other's sucking line of codes. 

“Mustache-girls-with-sucky-dressing-sense”

Honey, I agree God has not given you a cute face or a nice body. May be he was in depression while creating you! But least you can do on your part is to make yourself presentable. I mean, you get the paycheck every month. Ever given it a thought to buy something useful? Umm. How about a razor? And sensible girls do not wear sport shoes on a salwar kameez, a dark lipstick on already dark face, slippers on sari. So on and so forth!

“committed-to-work-girl”
A rare type, indeed, when it comes to GIRLS. (Feel offended? Drag me to the court!). These girls either have no personal life, or don’t know how to use their charm or simply don’t prefer to use it or are carrier oriented. They may be good looking, but in most of the cases, they are not. So they bypass the trouble of people hitting on them and make sure they utilize their office time well, in learning the actual work. They don’t have to butter every other lusty bastard in the project to get their promotion. They don’t bitch about other people, or even about bitches. They fight alone and their work says it all.  

“Girls-with-no-knowledge-but-good-presentation-skills”

    They know what to ask and when to ask. By using this dangerous weapon called "word", they create such an impression that people actually think these girls are master resource of the project. Well, the truth is, if you observe it keenly, they have a repeated pattern of when to nod, when to say yes, when to raise a doubt. They are masters when it comes to using perfect timing and situations. In actuality, they don't even have a slightest idea about the work and they tremble when you press things a bit deeper. Marketing genius, I call them! Who gives a fuck about what work they do as long as they know how to allude senior authority with their presentation skills? 


 “Good-for-nothing" girls

    Take negative points from all above points and combine them into one loser. You will get your "good-for-nothing" girls. They have the most depressing face on the earth, hairy hands/mustache, no knowledge, no charm, no dressing sense, no social manners, inferiority complex and no presentation skills. They still survive in the industry. Phew, hats off. Being a girl helps sometimes, huh?


 Decent girls

    They come to office only to work and nothing else. Well mannered and quite knowledgeable. It really doesn't matter whether they are good looking or not, have a nice dressing sense or not. All that matters is they are good at heart and are always willing to share other's responsibility. They are dedicated to work and yet know how to enjoy life. They never behave like a bitch even when they don't get promoted or credit of work. Instead, they try to work hard next time. They can be your good office friends, a resting shoulder in your hour of needs. They mind their own business. They come to office, work, go home. As simple as that. Respect for such girls.


 A Perfect corporate beauty

   These girls are very good at what they do. They are gifted with stunning beauty and are knowledgeable too. They don't need to use their gifted beauty for getting the hikes. Instead, they let their performance do all the talk. Nonetheless, they posses the killer ability to sugar quote their work with advertising. If performance fails, they still know how to get the promotion by using other things. But at least they define their standards and don't let every tom-dick-harry cross their path. 
  
The nagging bastards

   These assholes are never happy with what they get. Be it a promotion or a project or something else. They just send a wave of frustration among their colleagues and are looked down upon. They are responsible for all the negative energy in the team. They always fart frustration. No matter what the situation is, they lose!

"I-know-it-all" boys”

   These creatures consider themselves the pinnacle of the company. Ask them anything and they will have an answer. (Not necessarily the right answer!). They never skip a chance to boast about their achievements. These guys usually suck at building rapport with other people due to this egoistic/flamboyant nature and end up scoring lowest, be it in promotion or impressing girls.

    
 The "cool" dudes
  These guys know how to impress higher authority despite being a guy! They have knowledge, good convincing skills, know how to advertise their work when necessary and have a good impression on girls. People don't usually utter bad things about them, even behind their back. They go well along with any kind of people and are good at heart



 Lusty fuckers

   These guys have an inbuilt scanner in their eyes. They scan each and every girl from top to bottom and usually find something good in ANY girl (of course, only physically). They don't really bother or complain about their type of work but yes, put them in a project where there are no girls and they develop suicidal tendencies.


    So which category do you fall in? ;)


    P.S. I am back! For those who thought I will commit suicide after what they have done to me, well, not so easy suckers! Now it's revenge time.
   P.S.1 There is something terribly wrong with the indentation. I can't figure out why. (Yes, I am an IT engineer!) :P

A screaming heart

Dear Blog,


It's been quite sometime I didn't visit you. Trust me, this is not what I ever wanted. You are a part of me that cannot be separated. No one is able to figure out what is wrong. Well, to some extend I know. People say I am a fighter. Screw the people. I once was. There is no fighting back when fate decides to fuck you. I still try. I have always tried. Friends wonder about my drastically changing nature. They say I am no longer charming, I have lost it ! They say I seem depressed. They complain I never tell anyone what is wrong in my life. They are right. I like to keep things to myself. The incidences in early childhood have made me that way. I trust only myself. I don't like anyone's sympathy or advises. Life has never been fair to me. Did I ever complain? At least I don't remember cribbing about my problems. I stand upright and I face them. I always did. 


Till date, no body has ever been able to figure out the intensity of pain behind this ever smiling face. But I guess you know it all, don't you? Remember our first encounter when I was 10 years old? You were a diary then. Remember the things I went through? Those insults, tortures? infinite sleepless nights? That inability to find a single person to talk to? These things are locked somewhere in your pages. It took me years to be what I am today. You know that everything was next to impossible. Did I ever give up? People say I am a role model for them. They say they want to be like me. Do I consider this as my achievement? Why don't I feel happy about it anymore? Only you and I know what had happened in past one month. Tell me, did I ever do something wrong to anybody? Did I hurt anybody in my life? You know I am a good person. I know I have dozens of friends who are there for me. So why is that my life keeps fucking me every now and then? Why am I having problems in every aspect of life? Am I turning into a beast and a loner? I need to get out of this. The fucking fate/luck can't write my life the way it wants. I won't let it do it. I am working on things. One at a time. I know it will take time. But you have to keep your faith in me. I have to keep faith in myself. I won't let my life go back to the time when it was nothing. I am a born bellicose. Trust me, Mani will be back. Rocking and Kicking.


Dear Followers/Readers/Friends,


I am glad to see that you are still there with me. It means a lot. A strong bond I share with you guys which cannot be expressed in words. I don't get time even to visit you people, to see what is happening in your life, but you still understand me. Thanks for being there. Just hang on a little longer, I will be back with my stupid comedy articles ! :)