Sunday, January 29, 2012

The Corporate Creatures! ;)


 “I-know-how-to-use-my-charm" girls
These girls are usually blessed with an angelic/pretty face and a perfect body. They define the word "beauty". And the worst part is, they know what they are and how to use their charm. They don’t really need to struggle in order to get the work done. Be it a coding assignment, which they pass on to their colleagues by saying “DEAR,(yes, this much is sufficient for a guy) could you do it for me, please?” or a leave application to be approved my their managers. They spend half of their office time over phone or talking nonsense (or in washrooms, for that matter!) and still manage to get the best rating by their mere charm. Everyone in the team including married bastards try hard to hit on them and these girls don’t mind. For it serves their purpose too to have a licking puppy. These girls usually neglect people who have no commanding position in the project and chess after people like team leaders or managers who are responsible for hike in the paycheck. They are pain-in-the-ass for people who slog almost 10 hours a day in office and still get no credit, because higher authority prefers to scan these girls’ inner-wears rather than checking other's sucking line of codes. 


“Mustache-girls-with-sucky-dressing-sense”
Honey, I agree God has not given you a cute face or a nice body. May be he was in depression while creating you! But least you can do on your part is to make yourself presentable. I mean, you get the paycheck every month. Ever given it a thought to buy something useful? Umm. How about a razor? And sensible girls do not wear sport shoes on a salwar kameez, a dark lipstick on already dark face, slippers on sari. So on and so forth!


“committed-to-work-girl”
A rare type, indeed, when it comes to GIRLS. (Feel offended? Drag me to the court!). These girls either have no personal life, or don’t know how to use their charm or simply don’t prefer to use it or are carrier oriented. They may be good looking, but in most of the cases, they are not. So they bypass the trouble of people hitting on them and make sure they utilize their office time well, in learning the actual work. They don’t have to butter every other lusty bastard in the project to get their promotion. They don’t bitch about other people, or even about bitches. They fight alone and their work says it all.  


“Girls-with-no-knowledge-but-good-presentation-skills”
    They know what to ask and when to ask. By using this dangerous weapon called "word", they create such an impression that people actually think these girls are master resource of the project. Well, the truth is, if you observe it keenly, they have a repeated pattern of when to nod, when to say yes, when to raise a doubt. They are masters when it comes to using perfect timing and situations. In actuality, they don't even have a slightest idea about the work and they tremble when you press things a bit deeper. Marketing genius, I call them! Who gives a fuck about what work they do as long as they know how to allude senior authority with their presentation skills? 


 “Good-for-nothing" girls
    Take negative points from all above points and combine them into one loser. You will get your "good-for-nothing" girls. They have the most depressing face on the earth, hairy hands/mustache, no knowledge, no charm, no dressing sense, no social manners, inferiority complex and no presentation skills. They still survive in the industry. Phew, hats off. Being a girl helps sometimes, huh?


 Decent girls
    They come to office only to work and nothing else. Well mannered and quite knowledgeable. It really doesn't matter whether they are good looking or not, have a nice dressing sense or not. All that matters is they are good at heart and are always willing to share other's responsibility. They are dedicated to work and yet know how to enjoy life. They never behave like a bitch even when they don't get promoted or credit of work. Instead, they try to work hard next time. They can be your good office friends, a resting shoulder in your hour of needs. They mind their own business. They come to office, work, go home. As simple as that. Respect for such girls.


 A Perfect corporate beauty
   These girls are very good at what they do. They are gifted with stunning beauty and are knowledgeable too. They don't need to use their gifted beauty for getting the hikes. Instead, they let their performance do all the talk. Nonetheless, they posses the killer ability to sugar quote their work with advertising. If performance fails, they still know how to get the promotion by using other things. But at least they define their standards and don't let every tom-dick-harry cross their path. 
  
The nagging bastards
   These assholes are never happy with what they get. Be it a promotion or a project or something else. They just send a wave of frustration among their colleagues and are looked down upon. They are responsible for all the negative energy in the team. They always fart frustration. No matter what the situation is, they lose!


"I-know-it-all" boys”
   These creatures consider themselves the pinnacle of the company. Ask them anything and they will have an answer. (Not necessarily the right answer!). They never skip a chance to boast about their achievements. These guys usually suck at building rapport with other people due to this egoistic/flamboyant nature and end up scoring lowest, be it in promotion or impressing girls.
    
 The "cool" dudes
  These guys know how to impress higher authority despite being a guy! They have knowledge, good convincing skills, know how to advertise their work when necessary and have a good impression on girls. People don't usually utter bad things about them, even behind their back. They go well along with any kind of people and are good at heart



 Lusty fuckers
   These guys have an inbuilt scanner in their eyes. They scan each and every girl from top to bottom and usually find something good in ANY girl (of course, only physically). They don't really bother or complain about their type of work but yes, put them in a project where there are no girls and they develop suicidal tendencies.


    So which category do you fall in? ;)


    P.S. I am back! For those who thought I will commit suicide after what they have done to me, well, not so easy suckers! Now it's revenge time.
   P.S.1 There is something terribly wrong with the indentation. I can't figure out why. (Yes, I am an IT engineer!) :P

15 comments:

  1. I love this post!
    this is some cool writing, and some keen observation :D

    maybe we'd like to follow each other? what say? :)

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  2. hehehehehe...I am gonna drag you to court!!!
    Well I dont which category I would come in. Yet to get into that area!
    welcome back!!
    and your comment on my post "DECIPHER ME". It is just a post. I am not married :D nor thinking so evil :d
    welcome back!!!

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  3. Haha...now that was a good post. :)
    But is this what you do at work? Make a list of different categories of girls in your office? (I am ignoring the boys' list, for now.) Huh?? Answer me?? :P

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  4. @Dikhsa - Hey, First of all, welcome :D And thanks for stopping by.. :) Cool blog you have there ;)

    @RED - Thank u thank u :D When did I say you are married? :S firse dekhna padega ;)

    @Mirage - :D Thank u jee :) Well, I do everything at work, except work! :P Please don't tell this to my manager ;)

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  5. hahaha......Keen observation and a detailed description!Masst!! Liquid's crush from 'Pyar ka punchnama' comes to my mind after reading the 1st point.

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  6. @CD - Hey, welcome to my space :D Thank u thank u..ahh..pyar ka punchanama.. Does justice to these poor creatures called boys ;)

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  7. My God..it seems like you doing so 'extra work' at office without being paid..you noe what I mean..too observant..and that sports shoe with salwar..lol..i have seen that at my place,in fact I have seen all types :D

    Very sarcastic post :P

    Take care..loved ur comment on my post :)

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  8. After such a long time I'm getting to read something I enjoyed. I could identify with most of the characterization here, we all see these oddities everyday at work. I don't know who I am, I'll let you guess that :P

    Will you mail me please, need to talk you about something.

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  9. @Dragon : Hey, Long time, No see? :S Thanks. Well, No clue which category u fall in :P Kindly enlighten. U know I am a dumb creature! :D

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  10. Since you know me through work you better let me know which category I fall in? Soon soon soon.

    Glad to know you are alive after you threatened a much publicised suicide on FB :P.

    The punctuations are so improved that I read this stupid post thrice just to believe it. Can you imagine? :D

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  11. @Sadaf - Hey, welcome to my blog and thanks for following ;) I hope I will be able to keep you hooked :D Thanks!

    @Soumya - Oops. Tough question :P. Well, combine positive sides of a perfect corporate beauty and decent girls :D There you go!
    I am still heart-broken. But anyway, koi nahi. I know you will choose the best. <3 About the punctuation part, well, I now started to reedit articles after insults ;) Thanks for the feedback. it always helps :)

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  12. @TOSM - aww..why your comments go to my spam folder? :S Sorry for late reply. I just found it out. :) haha, that "extra work" is a part of my time-pass at office ;) Sarcastic, you think? :P thanks a lot lady!

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  13. Brilliant! Never write a post on stay-at-home mums trying to eke out a living between baby diaper changes. :)

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  14. Hey, first of all, welcome! Hope you find this place good enough to pass the time ;) And Thank you. Well, was that an advice/suggestion or warning? :)

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