Sunday, January 29, 2012

The Corporate Creatures! ;)

 “I-know-how-to-use-my-charm" girls
These girls are usually blessed with an angelic/pretty face and a perfect body. They define the word "beauty". And the worst part is, they know what they are and how to use their charm. They don’t really need to struggle in order to get the work done. Be it a coding assignment, which they pass on to their colleagues by saying “DEAR,(yes, this much is sufficient for a guy) could you do it for me, please?” or a leave application to be approved my their managers. They spend half of their office time over phone or talking nonsense (or in washrooms, for that matter!) and still manage to get the best rating by their mere charm. Everyone in the team including married bastards try hard to hit on them and these girls don’t mind. For it serves their purpose too to have a licking puppy. These girls usually neglect people who have no commanding position in the project and chess after people like team leaders or managers who are responsible for hike in the paycheck. They are pain-in-the-ass for people who slog almost 10 hours a day in office and still get no credit, because higher authority prefers to scan these girls’ inner-wears rather than checking other's sucking line of codes. 

Honey, I agree God has not given you a cute face or a nice body. May be he was in depression while creating you! But least you can do on your part is to make yourself presentable. I mean, you get the paycheck every month. Ever given it a thought to buy something useful? Umm. How about a razor? And sensible girls do not wear sport shoes on a salwar kameez, a dark lipstick on already dark face, slippers on sari. So on and so forth!

A rare type, indeed, when it comes to GIRLS. (Feel offended? Drag me to the court!). These girls either have no personal life, or don’t know how to use their charm or simply don’t prefer to use it or are carrier oriented. They may be good looking, but in most of the cases, they are not. So they bypass the trouble of people hitting on them and make sure they utilize their office time well, in learning the actual work. They don’t have to butter every other lusty bastard in the project to get their promotion. They don’t bitch about other people, or even about bitches. They fight alone and their work says it all.  

    They know what to ask and when to ask. By using this dangerous weapon called "word", they create such an impression that people actually think these girls are master resource of the project. Well, the truth is, if you observe it keenly, they have a repeated pattern of when to nod, when to say yes, when to raise a doubt. They are masters when it comes to using perfect timing and situations. In actuality, they don't even have a slightest idea about the work and they tremble when you press things a bit deeper. Marketing genius, I call them! Who gives a fuck about what work they do as long as they know how to allude senior authority with their presentation skills? 

 “Good-for-nothing" girls
    Take negative points from all above points and combine them into one loser. You will get your "good-for-nothing" girls. They have the most depressing face on the earth, hairy hands/mustache, no knowledge, no charm, no dressing sense, no social manners, inferiority complex and no presentation skills. They still survive in the industry. Phew, hats off. Being a girl helps sometimes, huh?

 Decent girls
    They come to office only to work and nothing else. Well mannered and quite knowledgeable. It really doesn't matter whether they are good looking or not, have a nice dressing sense or not. All that matters is they are good at heart and are always willing to share other's responsibility. They are dedicated to work and yet know how to enjoy life. They never behave like a bitch even when they don't get promoted or credit of work. Instead, they try to work hard next time. They can be your good office friends, a resting shoulder in your hour of needs. They mind their own business. They come to office, work, go home. As simple as that. Respect for such girls.

 A Perfect corporate beauty
   These girls are very good at what they do. They are gifted with stunning beauty and are knowledgeable too. They don't need to use their gifted beauty for getting the hikes. Instead, they let their performance do all the talk. Nonetheless, they posses the killer ability to sugar quote their work with advertising. If performance fails, they still know how to get the promotion by using other things. But at least they define their standards and don't let every tom-dick-harry cross their path. 
The nagging bastards
   These assholes are never happy with what they get. Be it a promotion or a project or something else. They just send a wave of frustration among their colleagues and are looked down upon. They are responsible for all the negative energy in the team. They always fart frustration. No matter what the situation is, they lose!

"I-know-it-all" boys”
   These creatures consider themselves the pinnacle of the company. Ask them anything and they will have an answer. (Not necessarily the right answer!). They never skip a chance to boast about their achievements. These guys usually suck at building rapport with other people due to this egoistic/flamboyant nature and end up scoring lowest, be it in promotion or impressing girls.
 The "cool" dudes
  These guys know how to impress higher authority despite being a guy! They have knowledge, good convincing skills, know how to advertise their work when necessary and have a good impression on girls. People don't usually utter bad things about them, even behind their back. They go well along with any kind of people and are good at heart

 Lusty fuckers
   These guys have an inbuilt scanner in their eyes. They scan each and every girl from top to bottom and usually find something good in ANY girl (of course, only physically). They don't really bother or complain about their type of work but yes, put them in a project where there are no girls and they develop suicidal tendencies.

    So which category do you fall in? ;)

    P.S. I am back! For those who thought I will commit suicide after what they have done to me, well, not so easy suckers! Now it's revenge time.
   P.S.1 There is something terribly wrong with the indentation. I can't figure out why. (Yes, I am an IT engineer!) :P

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

A screaming heart

Dear Blog,

It's been quite sometime I didn't visit you. Trust me, this is not what I ever wanted. You are a part of me that cannot be separated. No one is able to figure out what is wrong. Well, to some extend I know. People say I am a fighter. Screw the people. I once was. There is no fighting back when fate decides to fuck you. I still try. I have always tried. Friends wonder about my drastically changing nature. They say I am no longer charming, I have lost it ! They say I seem depressed. They complain I never tell anyone what is wrong in my life. They are right. I like to keep things to myself. The incidences in early childhood have made me that way. I trust only myself. I don't like anyone's sympathy or advises. Life has never been fair to me. Did I ever complain? At least I don't remember cribbing about my problems. I stand upright and I face them. I always did. 

Till date, no body has ever been able to figure out the intensity of pain behind this ever smiling face. But I guess you know it all, don't you? Remember our first encounter when I was 10 years old? You were a diary then. Remember the things I went through? Those insults, tortures? infinite sleepless nights? That inability to find a single person to talk to? These things are locked somewhere in your pages. It took me years to be what I am today. You know that everything was next to impossible. Did I ever give up? People say I am a role model for them. They say they want to be like me. Do I consider this as my achievement? Why don't I feel happy about it anymore? Only you and I know what had happened in past one month. Tell me, did I ever do something wrong to anybody? Did I hurt anybody in my life? You know I am a good person. I know I have dozens of friends who are there for me. So why is that my life keeps fucking me every now and then? Why am I having problems in every aspect of life? Am I turning into a beast and a loner? I need to get out of this. The fucking fate/luck can't write my life the way it wants. I won't let it do it. I am working on things. One at a time. I know it will take time. But you have to keep your faith in me. I have to keep faith in myself. I won't let my life go back to the time when it was nothing. I am a born bellicose. Trust me, Mani will be back. Rocking and Kicking.

Dear Followers/Readers/Friends,

I am glad to see that you are still there with me. It means a lot. A strong bond I share with you guys which cannot be expressed in words. I don't get time even to visit you people, to see what is happening in your life, but you still understand me. Thanks for being there. Just hang on a little longer, I will be back with my stupid comedy articles ! :)