Sunday, October 16, 2011

Ugh. I don't want to get married !!

Today I was looking at my blog stats which are now constantly showing a remarkable improvement. I never really cared about people viewing/not viewing my posts because I write for myself, most of the times. But alas, this bloody human nature always seeks appreciation. Though it always makes me wonder why the number of people reading my blog is never proportional to those commenting or following. I mean guys, your one extra little step to comment/feedback/(or even insult, though less preferable) makes my day and helps me improve my writing. (Of course, If my articles make sense to you, which, I assure you will be a very rare case!)

Anyway, coming back to the post. My parents and I were having serious (of course, one sided) discussion about the marriage thing. I don't understand. My parents always think I am too childish and I always behave like a kid. On the other hand, how can the same people insist me to get married every now and then. The discussion went something like this

(Scenario - Phone on speaker mode. Big deal?  I will prefer running naked on the road than talking to both my mom and dad at the same time ! And I mean it. (provided I am allowed to cover the most important body part))

Mother - So? Have you thought about your marriage?
Me : (Damn Maa, why are you so straight forward? At least don't jump to the topic right away!) -Oh please. For God's sake, I am just 24.
(And the adviser enters!) Father : I was 21 when I got married. We still live a happy life. What is wrong about it?
Me : (Oh yeah. Just because you found your pretty lady so soon. I am not that lucky)  Things were different back then ! I need to get settled first. Financially.
Father: Yeah. Talk about financial stability. Your father has enough money to let you live life of a king size. Why don't you quit that bullshit job and join me? Even I pay my people more than what you get.
Me : (Right. Whatsoever happened to "I-Want-To-Establish-My-Own, Sucking-Poor-But-OWN-Identity" concept? )(Almost shouting) Look at the petrol prizes.
Father : (Surprised)- What the hell it has to do with you? You don't even own a bike/car. You said you don't need one as of now.
Me : (Feeling like a jack-ass now) - But girls prefer guys that have a stable future (And of course, much more. But I should only talk about the things that I am capable of)
Mother - Look, I have only one son. And I want to see him get married before I die.
Me : (Now, where the heck this came from? Emotional blackmailing..I so hate it !) -There is no guarantee of life.  Even I can die before you (After-all I am your son, So I also know a bit of "How-to-return-tortures" ;))
Father : Are you dating someone? You can tell us. At least we can then stop searching girls for you. We are getting a lot of proposals from our community.
Me : (Now this is the couple that had an ..may I quote it.."inter-caste" love marriage when there were so many restrictions in the society. Still he takes care to say, "from our community". Really?  What makes you think I will marry a girl of our caste only? I could have ended this topic by saying "yes" but again, that would have led to an infinite series of questions that they don't even care about in reality, such as, "Who is she?" , "How does she look?" " Is she of our caste?", etc., so decided otherwise.) - No. I am not dating anyone. But you can still stop searching for me.
Mother : You know about %$%^ right? He is having a fat paycheck but now he has crossed age 30. No one is willing to make an alliance with him. Just don't cry once your young age is passed.
Me : (Okay. Think of it logically. He is 7 years older to me..7 fucking years. And No one is willing to make an alliance with him  because %$%^ is not only ugly but also rude and arrogant and has tons of dirty habits. Din't anyone tell you that?) - Don't worry. I will manage.
Mother : Also, You are getting bald. Aren't you? Where is your hair? I din see it last time you came home.
Me : (:Bangs his head: )I am not getting bald. I cut my hair. There is a hell of difference between these two. You had problems when I grew it up to my shoulders. Now you have problems when I keep it short. And a Girl is not going to marry me because of my hair anyways. (Just an assumption ;))
Mother : Fine. So tell us how much time you need? It takes almost a year to search for the right girl, knowing her background and all preparation stuff. Would you be interested in looking at some of the photos?
Me : (Yeah, send all of them to me along with mobile numbers :P I will then decide what to do with them ;)) -
At least 3 more years. Period. 
(After a long long pause!) Mother: This guy is impossible. (To father) You tell him.
Father : Look beta.. (And the Gyan Begins!) $@##%$^%&*^*^*#$%...
Me : (Puts the phone aside, washes his face, combs his "bald" headed hair, eats an apple and comes back) - Yes paa. I get it. I will think over it. Happy? Now please, I have a call to attend.
Father : You always avoid the topic. Don't tell me you are not interested in girls. I get that a lot now-a-days. Big city culture. 
Me: (Dumbstruck! Thinking: There was a time when even uttering the word "sex" in front of your parents could cause them a heart attack. And now the same parents are raising concerns about their son getting into a homosexual relationship. Either Indian culture is getting out if it's traditional thinking or my father has lost it. Don't worry Paa, Law 377 has not provoked me . But let's see how you can take it!)
Me : Hmm.. Not sure :P
(I din imagine that little sentence of mine could cause disaster. Within 2 mins , my mother cursed every known guy friend of mine. If she had the authority, she might have even deported them to US, the country she believes that started this trend of homosexuality, thereby reducing human species, and in turn, the number of girls her son has a shot with! But who will dare to tell her that it all started decades ago and that too in her holy India)
Me : oh stop it ! I was just kidding. I swear on you. I am straight !
Father : (still suspicious) - So why don't you want to take this marriage thing seriously?
Me : (Bite me) - I said I will think about it.
Mother : (Not willing to give up this time) - WHEN?
Me : When I get my hair back :D (Hangs up abruptly, looking in mirror and silently praying his hair to grow as slowly as possible ;))


  1. What's with parents jumping on Are You Dating questions so fast ? And uf, our wretched community and their wretched aunties who only live to comment on how fat/thin/long/short we have grown and we should marry ASAP.
    Haahhahahahaha. Make your choices fast or you're going to garner all the wrong opinions. =D

  2. hahahhahahh...OMG..i'm laughing at the screen like crazy here..Gosh..U should get married :P

    Seriously I could understand wht u have been goin through..parents are like that but my mother already give up on the marriage issue..U see I had this problem since i was like u are lucky compared to me at least ur parents are just talking about this when you're 24..:D

    I guess they are a bit worried since you are the only son and why not give marriage a try? :D

    take care of your hair :P

  3. @ Crystal - So damn true ! Not only aunties, even uncles ;) And I don't care about opinions, I am anyway gonna take time. After-all, it's one time thing :)

    @TOSM - Laugh lady, laugh ! One day it will come to you as well :P and give it a try? U kidding , right? :S

  4. ROFLMAO..

    Poor maa and paa. Tell them you have a girl in mind :P

  5. BUwhahahahahahaha rofl :P Awwwwwww all of my sympathies are with u ;P I can imagine the torture u had to go through ;) parents esp Moms are same everywhere :P

    P.S... Prepare urself for a series of sequel :p]

    P.S.S Aaaaaa :@ Am I the only one who encounters ths comment posting problem :@

  6. Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy me i found a way :d first i click on preview then I click on post comment and Voila *Comment Post* *Jumping like crazy*

  7. //P.S. - Not so soon ! :P I hope at least not for next 3 years ;)
    //P.P.S - I guess so :S Anyway, koi nahi, may be a problem with your browser :D

  8. Hahahahahahaha so ur gonna marry when ur 28 :p Wait till u tell ur mom and dad this ;)

  9. Har ladke ki kahani hai dost..aur may be..ladkiyon ki bhi... haha :)

    Characters change. Story Does not! :D

    Good Luck :)

  10. @Kunal - Hey thanks for stopping by ;) hmm..true ! har ladki ki kahani :D hope to get rid of it soon :S and thanks for the luck !

  11. I don't know how to put this, but since you've requested (humbly :P) I thought I'd comment :P Personally, I don't because I don't want ppl to return the favor.

    @Post: I was smiling all the while .. even when people comment on certain post that they've been laughing, rolling with laughter and such, I've not even felt a smirk! But I did enjoy your post .. so it's actually hilarious! and of value!

    24 is too too young. Although I know people that got married before that age as well.. I have a philosophy ov my own here.

    PS:If you were a girl, your blog would be bursting with followers and comments! I bet! And this is the first time I witnessed this fact myself too.

  12. @Sarah - First of all, Welcome, welcome :D.
    Thanks for taking the pain to comment :P It's not about returning favor, it's about getting to know different people and their writing. That's what we are here for , right? :)
    Glad you enjoyed it. :happy: :happy:

    @PS - oops. That feels lovely. But alas, got caught in a wrong gender huh? :( .