Saturday, September 17, 2011

Wrong Number and an Affair ! :D

On weekends, I don't usually wake up before afternoon. This applies even when somebody around me is dying (not literally, but still :D). I don't really need any entertainment or "counting-sheep" thing before sleeping. I just close my eyes and bang ! I am dead at least for next 8 hours. Today, that bastard suddenly started ringing at the ungodly hour. I just cut the call even without bothering to look at the screen. 5 mins of silence and it started ringing again ! "What the fuck ! go to hell you jackass !", I shouted and threw it away, hoping it to be broken. But it being Nokia's cheapest model, refused to give up. 10 more minutes and it started ringing again. Trust me, I was in a mood to kill whoever it was across the line. Fumbling, I somehow answered it. 

"You screwed my wife's life, you bastard. Now tell me everything that happened between you two !" a voice at the other end shouted, desperate to kill me. "damn !?" Within a moment, my brain searched for every possible "lady" in my friend list, but none came across as a "screwed-by-me" one. Keeping my voice level to minimum, I asked  "May I know whom do you want to talk to?". "Playing  smart huh? I know you are the one, Vivek!".
I heaved a sign of relief. "I am sorry sir, but you have dialed a wrong number". That gentleman was in no mood to listen. "Tell me your address and I will settle everything once and for all, you coward. You think you can tell my wife about my extramarital affair and sleep with her?". Now this was the limit!. I still tried to keep it cool. "I don't have any idea what you are talking about sir. My name is Manoj and I don't know your wife. You have dialed a wrong number". "Oh yeah, how would your mother feel if she finds out that your father is having extramarital affair?". Now though this was for that so called "Vivek",the effect of last night's drink and disturbed sleep started taking out the "real me". And I am a harmless creature only until my senses are in control. Once I lose the grip, there is no looking back. So I decided to jump in, for Vivek's and his married lover's sake !  

"Listen you jackass, my father is not like you. And when you can sleep with other woman, what is wrong with your wife sleeping with me? Now I am even going to tell this to all your family members. Do what you want to do !" (Sorry Vivek, I am putting you at stake!;)).

I could feel the anger reaching to its extreme levels at the other end. "You know who I am, boy? Once I find out your address, I assure you, you are dead. I know you are from Kolkata".. (My smart mind started doing quick calculations before going further. Now considering this number was a land-line one with code 020 (Pune), and Kolkata being a huge city and that too at the other side of the country , I knew this dumb is never gonna figure out Vivek's address ! ) So I went ahead. " hmm..I get that a lot, just go and sleep with your bitch you loser. And what I do with your wife is none of your business ! (Bingo ! I should get an award for that lame line :D)". 

Now that man started abusing me in local language. I was tempted to do the same, but stopped. (who cares? Vivek, being from Kolkata, must not know Marathi. Though it was still a mystery for me  how he came so long to meet this  gentleman's wife). "I swear to god, I will find you $@%$#%%$#%" .." the man had lost all his control. It was fun and I couldn't stop laughing. That made it even worse.

 "Tell me what do you want to get out of my wife's life?" he demanded after 10 mins of "fun-abuse-cry-torture" drama. Now you are talking buddy ! And after all the boasting he had done about himself, a thought of asking him a million rupees crossed  my mind. I knew he would happily give them away. (What ? Don't give me that look :P. I did not start it and opportunity knocks only once ! And besides, I am under heavy debt !) But alas, this bloody conscience and principles of mine always ruin my life. So all I asked him was "Okay. You immediately quit from your extramarital affair and I won't ever see your wife again!" ( Now this logic was more dependent on his wife, assuming if her husband comes back to her, she will put an end  to her relation with Vivek. Only Vivek will be on the losing side. But what the heck. If he can make a married woman fall in love, he will definately make it with someone of his age ;) Sorry Buddy :P ).

Two minutes of Silence and the man spoke.. " If I keep my word, will you keep your side? I was mislead. I promise never to hurt my wife again". Now it was necessary to pull his wife in so I added , "confess everything in front of your wife and tell her you are not gonna see that other girl again. It's a deal !" (Assuming she won't ditch him for Vivek or else this dumb-ass will again revert back to me :S) "Fine" the man said and simply hung up the phone.

 "Heck, forget about money, I din even get a "thank you" for reunioning two lives :(


  1. Loooool. So much for being morally right. U cud have actually asked for money. Ok m kidding but again am i?
    Why doesnt such cool things happen wimme? Apart frm bus conductors and drivers calling me at odd times, nothing good or entertaining happens..sigh!

  2. Fuck this blogger. I dont know wat is changed. everytime i try to comment it asks me to create a blog. :((
    Anyway, nice article Mani..Hahaha, what u did makes u what u are buddy. A nice hearten person <3 And even u lose ur coolness? Dint get to c dat in past 2 years :P

    --Love and wishes,

  3. @Red- Haha, you bet it was so much for being morally right :( At least I cud have negotiated ;) And you won't like someone abusing you for no reason , will you? :P

    @Angel - Aww.. I know , I know. Lot of friends are complaining about it. I guess now it allows you to comment only if you have a blog :(
    And yes, I do lose my coolness, but at times ;) You will never see that happening with you though <3

  4. Somehow can't believe that this actually happened :)

  5. It's a crazy world, full of crazy people honey ! ;)

  6. lmao! good job spiderman! now there is a lot of responsibility on your shoulders.. :P

  7. Hey, first of all, welcome welcome :D Hope you find this place worth the time ;) And What can I say, it's a crazy world! :)