Sunday, September 25, 2011

A committed loser :@

 "What do you know about girls dude, you are still single". A "committed" friend of mine was having heated argument with me about the most complicated creatures on the earth.  Those harsh words pierced through my feelings. It was I who helped him to fall in love. It was I who made it possible for them to be in love. And now the same guy was insulting and abusing me for not knowing anything about relationship.

Yes. I am single. But I understand the delicate heart of a girl way more than you losers who treat them as an object. To be single is my own choice. And for your information, I do not have bank-balance neither do I have stunning looks or any special talent. But girls still feel comfortable with me. Ever wondered why is that most beautiful and talented girls are ready to commit to a dumb like me? It's simple. They need someone who understands, supports and love them the way they are. Not male chauvinist pigs like you who proudly want to show the world that they have a girlfriend and who do not think anything other than sleeping with them. I am still single because I feel I should be in love only when I have the potential to keep my girl happy, to take care of that precious gem, be it in any sense. I don't give a damn about what world or suckers like you think of me. What do you feel so proud about? When your girlfriend expresses her concerns with me despite you being her lover, what have you earned in a relationship? You feel inferior to her because she is more talented, beautiful and earns more than you. So you ask her to quit her job. Is that all you have got, you asshole? Ever considered raising your standards instead of not torturing her on a daily basis? And you still have guts to provoke me ! You call me flirty. Yes I am ! But I never hurt a girl's feelings . I respect them the way I respect my mother. They too have a heart. In fact much more sensitive and caring than you guys. And not everyone is a bitch. Even a bitch has a heart that seeks respect. You taunt me for being virgin? I have had chances to sleep with them when you din even know how to talk to a girl. But I don't need labels just to prove you suckers that I can do it. And I am NOT afraid of commitment. I am just waiting for a proper time and a perfect person. How is that your business anyway? People like you are responsible for girls losing their faith in boys. If being in love means stalking your girlfriend, calling her at midnight just to check whether she is on call with someone else, being jealous when she talks to some other guy, asking her to stop to meet her guy friends, calling her in front of a bunch of people and asking her to say "I love you" so that you can boast about it, not allowing her to wear short clothes just because she looks adorable and someone else might hit on her, and asking her to sacrifice her job because she earns more than you, then I am proud that I am not a committed loser !

Saturday, September 24, 2011

The Versatile Blogger Award !

This post has been pending for long, not because I din't want to write, but because I was not sure what to write. When I started this blog, I was not even 1% sure that somebody will actually read it ! Now,after 2 and half years, I feel overwhelmed by the fact that people around the globe and all my friends take out time to read my stupidity. I still remember, I was so naive in expressing my feelings in English. My grammar and vocab sucked. I maintained a personal diary since the age of 14, so I knew I am somewhat good at expressing my feelings. But being a Marathi/Hindi medium student,and with no proper background/environment in school/collage, English always scared me. This blog and MBA preparation were the reasons I spent endless nights in learning the language.

@Soumya - You were the reason I started this blog. (Remember  Stalker Scare?:P). You were (and still are) the one whose constant feedback (and of course, taunts :( )  make me improve my writing each passing day. This blog is the reason we turned from strangers to enemies, then friends and then best friends ( at least I feel so :P). Thanks for everything my Lioness . And thanks for the award as well. It means a lot, specially coming from a diversified writer like you !

Hmm..What next? 

7 Random things about me - Well, I knew this would be coming one fine day ;) So I already have a post for this. In fact, I have 20 such things which make a stupid-unique "ME". Check out ... 20 facts about me

My favorite song - Summer of 69- Bran Adams :D

My favorite Dessert - Hmm.. Let's skip this part ;) 

What pisses me of - Dirty/messy rooms, flamboyant/unhygienic  people,  girls with poor dressing sense, poor English grammar ( Can you believe that?:P)

Best feature(s) - Damn ! I wish I had at least one :(

Everyday attitude - Make someone smile :)

What is perfection - Hmm..There is no such thing as "perfection".. 

Guilty Pleasure - Prefer not to reveal it ;)

People I will pass this award to -

This is the toughest part. Well, to be honest, I sincerely feel I am not worthy enough to judge someone's writing. So be it. Who cares about my opinion anyway when there are masters out there on this site :)

Cheers ! :D

Saturday, September 17, 2011

Wrong Number and an Affair ! :D

On weekends, I don't usually wake up before afternoon. This applies even when somebody around me is dying (not literally, but still :D). I don't really need any entertainment or "counting-sheep" thing before sleeping. I just close my eyes and bang ! I am dead at least for next 8 hours. Today, that bastard suddenly started ringing at the ungodly hour. I just cut the call even without bothering to look at the screen. 5 mins of silence and it started ringing again ! "What the fuck ! go to hell you jackass !", I shouted and threw it away, hoping it to be broken. But it being Nokia's cheapest model, refused to give up. 10 more minutes and it started ringing again. Trust me, I was in a mood to kill whoever it was across the line. Fumbling, I somehow answered it. 

"You screwed my wife's life, you bastard. Now tell me everything that happened between you two !" a voice at the other end shouted, desperate to kill me. "damn !?" Within a moment, my brain searched for every possible "lady" in my friend list, but none came across as a "screwed-by-me" one. Keeping my voice level to minimum, I asked  "May I know whom do you want to talk to?". "Playing  smart huh? I know you are the one, Vivek!".
I heaved a sign of relief. "I am sorry sir, but you have dialed a wrong number". That gentleman was in no mood to listen. "Tell me your address and I will settle everything once and for all, you coward. You think you can tell my wife about my extramarital affair and sleep with her?". Now this was the limit!. I still tried to keep it cool. "I don't have any idea what you are talking about sir. My name is Manoj and I don't know your wife. You have dialed a wrong number". "Oh yeah, how would your mother feel if she finds out that your father is having extramarital affair?". Now though this was for that so called "Vivek",the effect of last night's drink and disturbed sleep started taking out the "real me". And I am a harmless creature only until my senses are in control. Once I lose the grip, there is no looking back. So I decided to jump in, for Vivek's and his married lover's sake !  

"Listen you jackass, my father is not like you. And when you can sleep with other woman, what is wrong with your wife sleeping with me? Now I am even going to tell this to all your family members. Do what you want to do !" (Sorry Vivek, I am putting you at stake!;)).

I could feel the anger reaching to its extreme levels at the other end. "You know who I am, boy? Once I find out your address, I assure you, you are dead. I know you are from Kolkata".. (My smart mind started doing quick calculations before going further. Now considering this number was a land-line one with code 020 (Pune), and Kolkata being a huge city and that too at the other side of the country , I knew this dumb is never gonna figure out Vivek's address ! ) So I went ahead. " hmm..I get that a lot, just go and sleep with your bitch you loser. And what I do with your wife is none of your business ! (Bingo ! I should get an award for that lame line :D)". 

Now that man started abusing me in local language. I was tempted to do the same, but stopped. (who cares? Vivek, being from Kolkata, must not know Marathi. Though it was still a mystery for me  how he came so long to meet this  gentleman's wife). "I swear to god, I will find you $@%$#%%$#%" .." the man had lost all his control. It was fun and I couldn't stop laughing. That made it even worse.

 "Tell me what do you want to get out of my wife's life?" he demanded after 10 mins of "fun-abuse-cry-torture" drama. Now you are talking buddy ! And after all the boasting he had done about himself, a thought of asking him a million rupees crossed  my mind. I knew he would happily give them away. (What ? Don't give me that look :P. I did not start it and opportunity knocks only once ! And besides, I am under heavy debt !) But alas, this bloody conscience and principles of mine always ruin my life. So all I asked him was "Okay. You immediately quit from your extramarital affair and I won't ever see your wife again!" ( Now this logic was more dependent on his wife, assuming if her husband comes back to her, she will put an end  to her relation with Vivek. Only Vivek will be on the losing side. But what the heck. If he can make a married woman fall in love, he will definately make it with someone of his age ;) Sorry Buddy :P ).

Two minutes of Silence and the man spoke.. " If I keep my word, will you keep your side? I was mislead. I promise never to hurt my wife again". Now it was necessary to pull his wife in so I added , "confess everything in front of your wife and tell her you are not gonna see that other girl again. It's a deal !" (Assuming she won't ditch him for Vivek or else this dumb-ass will again revert back to me :S) "Fine" the man said and simply hung up the phone.

 "Heck, forget about money, I din even get a "thank you" for reunioning two lives :(

Sunday, September 11, 2011

When Alcohol Speaks ;)

1. Just 3 pegs down dude, I am not drunk !

2. I will drive, you just shut up and take the "driver's seat" :P

3. Today I will tell her that I love her. (But I will call from your cell, not because I am running out of balance, but because I want to call her from an unknown number)

4. I can die for you my buddy

5. Don't you think we will need more? I still feel absolutely normal.

6. I am paying the bill. Money is not important, you are. (After looking at the bill) - Only because you are insisting, but next time, it's my turn !

7. I never get high, you wanna bet?

8. This is my last peg . I will quit from tomorrow. I swear.

9. Do you think she loves me?

10. When I drink, I love everybody. :D