Monday, August 8, 2011

Awesome One Liners !

Well, these one liners always make me laugh, no matter fucked up my life is.
The most effective ones include

1. Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.

2. Girls are like roads, more the curves, more the dangerous they are. ;)

3. If you're looking for sympathy, you'll find it in the dictionary between "shit" and "syphilis"

4. The best way to lie is to tell the truth, carefully edited truth !

5. Silence doesn't mean your sexual performance left her speechless.

6. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

7. Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?

8. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

9. If you ever want to see a man cry..Put a beer in one hand and a naked woman in the other..And..MAKE HIM CHOOSE!

10. I used to think the brain was the most important organ in the body, then I realized --- look what's telling me that.

11. I dont make mistakes, I date them.

12. Do you belive in love at first site, or shall I walk past again?

13. I didn't lose my mind, I sold it on EBAY

14. By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may get to be a boss and work twelve hours a day.

15. Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich

16. See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time

17. I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing .

18. If I'd shot you sooner, I'd be out of jail by now :P

19. I don't have a solution, but I do admire the problem !

20. Early to bed, early to rise, and your girlfriend goes out with other guys. ;)