Thursday, July 7, 2011

Dare to pick up the phone, I am an Insurance Agent !!

"Hello Mr. Manoj, If you remember I have had calling  you since one month for taking  LIC and you tell me to call in July asking about it". A voice over the phone with superior(?) English accent and who just "murdered" grammar with a mere sentence, literally made me jump of out the bed. "Heck , Not this jerk again !", were the only expressions I could afford . "So you are free to talk , right?" , the tone of his voice was rather commanding, than inquiring. Knowing that I have nothing else to do , I decided to pull him a bit and so started the conversation

Manoj - I can talk. Tell me what is it?
Agent : (For the reader's sake, I will translate his speech in what I think is "English !" ) Sir, are you interested in an LIC policy now? If yes, I can go ahead and provide you plans that suit to your requirement.
Manoj - (Haha, even I cant provide myself worthy enough to fulfill my own requirements,but anyway) I am , now. What kinda plans do you have to offer?
Agent : There are a number of schemes available. May I ask you how much do you earn per month?
Manoj : (Wow, thanks for suggesting me the easiest way to get rid of you !) 5000 pm. A flat reply .
Agent : ( Probably after a 30 second pause !) - Okay (This time he omitted "Sir" ;) ), and how much can you invest in a plan?
Manoj : ( Fuck ! This guy is a real optimist, try one more time Mani ) - Hmm..Dunno, around 500 rs? :P
Agent : Sir, as you very young, I would suggest you should go for at least 2k per month's plan.
Manoj : (Fine, it's now on Bitch. I am tough when it comes to give up , son!) I am sorry, but not possible, I just got married and have a wife to take  care of. Max I can invest is 1 grand.
Agent : That will do , sir. But I were told that you work with an IT company past three years. Your salary is a bit low as compared to your experience.
Manoj : (What the heck ! Who on the earth provides information to these people?) Well, the company fired me one month before.
Agent : Oh , I am sorry. But I do have plans for 1 grand. You can take that one as of now and later upgrade it or take a new plan in parallel.
Manoj - (Okay, I give up, you win .Happy?) Hmm.. seems good . So tell me about it. (Now considering the fact that I already knew what he is going to say because I already have a policy, I switched my cell to speaker mode , kept it aside, washed my face, changed cloths and returned.)
Agent : (Still talking ! It surprised me because he was "he" and not "she" ) x%$$^^%^&*.. You there ,sir?
Manoj : I am listening.
Agent : So as I was saying, maturity period can be 20-30 years, depending on your choice and you can get a fair amount which summons up to approximately 6 lacs. 
Manoj : (I get that amount in less than one year you jackass. But anyway, who cares?) It's not very much.
Agent : But sir, you are investing ONLY 1k per month. 
Manoj : (This time laughing on the insult ) . Right. But I met another agent who says I can get up to 15 lacs on the same investment. 
Agent : (Not quite sure about his own expertise in the field) I din come across such policy which gives so much return value. Can you tell me which company he represents?
Manoj : (only if I knew !)He has asked not to reveal the name. Sorry.
Agent : (Still not willing to give up)- As you can see sir, this policy does not involve risk factor. So you will not have to be worried about your money. And there are many additional benefits.
Manoj : ( Why the heck will I be worried about 1k per month anyway? And dude, can't you get it? I am not interested. Why did I start the conversation in the first place?) I don't want additional benefits.
(Do something you idiot..)
Agent : But sir, once you listen to me, I am sure you will be interested.
Manoj : ( It's high time for me to hang up ! So the drama begins!) - Hello..hello.. I can't hear you.
Agent : But I am getting your voice very clearly, as I was saying..
Manoj : Hello..Hello..I think some problem in the network . Please do call me after some time.
Finally ! Damn it, exhausted after this half an hour "Even-if-you-are-a-beggar, please-take-my-LIC-policy" conversation, I quickly added that number to my black list and heaved a sigh of relief. 
Insurance Agents ! They Bite :(