Sunday, June 19, 2011

When life doesn't move on

A lot of things are going on these days. When I try to contemplate the situation two years back to the current one, I realize that nothing much has changed in life. Time is running faster than I anticipated. The concept of enjoying life as a youth is lost somewhere among career growth , Struggle, financial stability, family issues, load of loans, and other worries. After few months, I will turn 24 and damn it, living this way makes no sense to me. Being a happy-go-lucky animal, my nature does not permit me to regret over the mistakes I did. I think, I think a lot. I do realize the fact that it's not too late and there are some major things I can still start over or change. But I lack the power to implement them. The feeling of loneliness is the toughest to get rid of. Despite having blessed with so many best friends, at the end of the day, I literally need to convince myself that I am not alone ! Office work has no connection whatsoever with what I thought I would be doing at this stage. I always dreamed big, but my aspirations have buried somewhere in the corner of my heart after successive futile attempts to make them a reality. What I do today is just to pay my bills and loans. Financial security always overcomes my willingness to take a risk and in turn, my self-confidence. With my comedy nature, boyish charm and mature thoughts, I have always been centre of attraction for people. But these things are no longer helping me to stop ever growing inferiority complex. There is not one aspect of my life in which I am good at. Work wise, forever fluctuating between whether to continue with technical field or to get an MBA. Financially, despite earning a decent salary, overburdened with loan EMIs. Love life wise, still a single despite having opportunities to get along with caring, beautiful friends. Family wise, despite being the only son, the inability to call parents to stay with me due to other worries. An Introvert who once did everything that it takes to be an extrovert is eventually turning into an introvert again. I feel I have isolated myself from the world. Now, most of the times I sit idle at home thinking for hours and trying to put some sense in my life, but nothing much comes out. It hurts and feels helpless to see myself turning from once an advice consultant to an advice seeker. Heck ! Life sucks. It does. I need to figure out how to deal with these things otherwise soon I will be a body living with no respect, self-confidence and in turn, no soul.

4 comments:

  1. Told ya, leaving Bangalore was a wrong decision. :((( don't worry, m sure u will manage, tough guy. smile :D

    --Angha

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  2. Everyone can associate with this feeling from time to time, I guess. Just call it a bad day and move on. Sulk a little, it's good for the soul but it serves no other purpose than just that. My two cents, free waale wo bhi :)

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  3. @Soumya - hmm..kuch ho nahi raha, that is the problem ! ;)

    @Angha - Yupe. Regretting over it now. I hope so, let's see :)

    @Grace - haha.. These cents are worth to be priced ;) Thanks !

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