Sunday, June 19, 2011

When life doesn't move on

A lot of things are going on these days. When I try to contemplate the situation two years back to the current one, I realize that nothing much has changed in life. Time is running faster than I anticipated. The concept of enjoying life as a youth is lost somewhere among career growth , Struggle, financial stability, family issues, load of loans, and other worries. After few months, I will turn 24 and damn it, living this way makes no sense to me. Being a happy-go-lucky animal, my nature does not permit me to regret over the mistakes I did. I think, I think a lot. I do realize the fact that it's not too late and there are some major things I can still start over or change. But I lack the power to implement them. The feeling of loneliness is the toughest to get rid of. Despite having blessed with so many best friends, at the end of the day, I literally need to convince myself that I am not alone ! Office work has no connection whatsoever with what I thought I would be doing at this stage. I always dreamed big, but my aspirations have buried somewhere in the corner of my heart after successive futile attempts to make them a reality. What I do today is just to pay my bills and loans. Financial security always overcomes my willingness to take a risk and in turn, my self-confidence. With my comedy nature, boyish charm and mature thoughts, I have always been centre of attraction for people. But these things are no longer helping me to stop ever growing inferiority complex. There is not one aspect of my life in which I am good at. Work wise, forever fluctuating between whether to continue with technical field or to get an MBA. Financially, despite earning a decent salary, overburdened with loan EMIs. Love life wise, still a single despite having opportunities to get along with caring, beautiful friends. Family wise, despite being the only son, the inability to call parents to stay with me due to other worries. An Introvert who once did everything that it takes to be an extrovert is eventually turning into an introvert again. I feel I have isolated myself from the world. Now, most of the times I sit idle at home thinking for hours and trying to put some sense in my life, but nothing much comes out. It hurts and feels helpless to see myself turning from once an advice consultant to an advice seeker. Heck ! Life sucks. It does. I need to figure out how to deal with these things otherwise soon I will be a body living with no respect, self-confidence and in turn, no soul.

Saturday, June 11, 2011

The "Real" Son of a Bitch !

       Glad that for the first time, I am using this phrase at the right place ! (Most of the times, I end up offering it to the creatures called "friends" ). Few days before, I went to the other part of city to attend my cousin's wedding. Well, I am not much into attending marriages but then one day my mother scared hell out of me saying, "Mani, If you don't attend family weddings, no one will bother to come to yours". From that day, I made it compulsory to show my stupid face and bless(?) bride and groom. After the ceremony was over, I was on my way back home and saw this cutest puppy. He was walking amid the traffic street, not caring that this is not a property of his forefathers. He had no sense or fear, whatsoever. As I am born with a nature that cannot see people/animal helpless (Slight exaggeration, but will do for this point!), I decided to adopt him. By looking at his face, no one can say he is a street dog. On the other hand, every time I go to a standard place, I need to convince people that I am a "professional" earning nice paychecks. Anyway, carrying  him home was another big problem as PMT buses here don't allow to carry "Low profile animals" (pets) along with "high profile animals" like me. My attempts to bribe conductor failed despite me offering him 50rs for a 7rs ticket. So Finally I had to spare around 350 bucks to hire an auto and take him home. As soon as he entered home, he gave me a clear warning of not to confuse his cute face by what he actually is by turning my white tiles into a dirty green-yellowish color . I never thought God will be so kind that I will actually have to clean someone's shit one day. I named him Patchy after a brown patch on his whitish body. So as I thought, Doctor declared him a "dalmatian" cross breed . He must have left home and unknowingly ended up on the streets. Knowing his breed, I spent around solid 5 grands purchasing his stuff. Hell, taking care of a dog is much more costly than taking care of a human being. I mean 900 bucks for a small injection? 1000 for pedigree? 850 for a bed? You must be kidding me. Soon every single thing that once belonged to me was his property. He is like a flatmate offering poo and pee instead of rent ! He eats more than a weight lifter following hefty diet and poops more than a disturbed-stomach person . I was patient, believing that one day he will be trained and make it a habit to do his dirty stuff outside. But he is not ready to change. On the other hand, now I got a habit to clean his stuff before going to and after coming from office. My once neatly cleaned and organized room , hygienic nature are no longer a part of my life. Anyway, he is too young to understand it all. Patience is the key. He is very clever by the way. For example, He never cries or barks at night which helps me to get up on time for the office. And God, you cannot break his defense mechanism . He is adept in hiding himself from danger and if you try to dominate him, he goes very aggressive biting you at the "right" positions that will force you to give up. He is a highly active creature and requires a lot of attention so I have decided to send him home. It is not possible to take care of him throughout day due to office timings and I don't want his active nature to go waste. My parents are very much excited. The proud words from my mother were, "Don't worry, we will take very good care of him. Anyway, we feel lonely after one dog left the home ( Why do I feel it was for me? well, it was !) so another one will make home alive again" . He is such a sweetheart. I can literally spend hours just by having him on my laps. His innocent eyes talk to me. He shows his affection towards me by licking my face all the time. (Okay, that once was the most unhygienic thing for me, but now, it isn't !). I do give him a lot of time but I feel he needs more. Apart from his fecal matters, he doesn't trouble me much . Sending him away is rather a situational demand than my will. Anyway, I can go home every weekend and meet him so this is not a big deal. This is least I can do for him, after all, he is one of the best things ever happened to me !