Tuesday, July 20, 2010

The Lost Mind

It has been more than 4 nights, I am wide awake. Eccentric changes in heinous relationships and the fact that life cannot be predicted, have changed something in me. I no longer feel a part of this world, where there is no value for honesty, trust, caring nature or relations. The only person you can rely on for solving brutal problems of life is "you". Attachment, wanting someone's shoulder to cry on, someone to talk to or dependency on anyone is nothing but your weaknesses. Only haplessly incompetent people need these things. Within 3 weeks, I have buried that ever smiling, cracking-stupid-joke-on-every-single-sentence, caring and helping Mani somewhere deep in my heart. He is no longer a part of me. I no longer feel attached to anyone. I don't know what happened. Many things happened to me all of a sudden and the effect was catastrophic. It destroyed the very existence of me. I don't know how much time will it take me to recover from this impasse.


All I want to do now is to be focused on my future. My desire to be perfect in my dreamed aspects has grown more stronger. Ever since I was born, life has never been fair to me. I struggled almost in every phase. Very few people know the struggle I did for my entire goddamn identity. But I never complained. I smashed the fate every-time it tried to let me down. But there has to be limit. I mean why me? This fact turned me into an agnostic 5 years before. I never believe in God. Because if he were there, he would have done something about me. But he never helps. May be God only helps the stronger. So damn it, one day, I will be. No matter how many times you let me down, I will come back. So dear god and all those "inspirational" people, WATCH ME !

8 comments:

  1. R u in latur?I wanna meet you.And why r u not picking up d call?Have faith mani,everything will be all right.one more thing,you can not change your nature.just because some people did wrong to you and your family dsnt mean u shud treat everyone like dat way.Hope u are okay.

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  2. Hey m sry f i said smethn stupid.I din mean t idiot.dont lose heart.i hpe uncle n u r fine

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  3. @Angha - Yes,I am in Latur.I was not in mood to attend anybody's call.Sorry.If u r in latur then tell me,I will meet your tomorrow.And I did not change anything.Situations did.Anyway.I am fine.

    @Mahim-It's not about you.It's not about anyone.relax.Papa is now fine.

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  4. OMG.U really need some peace of mind mani.Go on a vacation.Relax.I dont knw wat caused u to think like that about people.u r acting weird.Will u not talk to me either?Did someone said something to u?

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  5. Enlightenment buddy, enlightenment. Wake up! There is a lot more to life than this. I'm sure you'll get over it.

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  6. @Shiksha-Sorry for late reply.I am pretty much relaxed.And I am not acting weird.From where did u come into pictures?Of course,it's not about u!So relax. :)

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