Tuesday, December 28, 2010

To Bangalore !

What the hell is wrong with me? I started writing but damn it, nothing is coming on my mind. I edited and reedited one article at least for three times and finally deleted it due to lack of words :( (and title!) I usually don't need any preparation before writing. I just start with anything and go on until it makes sense (which in most cases, doesn't!). I have tons of topics but somehow I am not able to gather the thoughts together. Mixed feelings about leaving the city and joining at Pune location .(I have decided to go for Infosys). In a way, I am both happy and sad. I will certainly miss the city , after-all ,my corporate life started here.

I will miss the weather, the people, my team , pubs, my rumie, that "The Bawarchi biryani", Bobby-da-dhaba, HRC, TIMES classes and the big gang I made there, and nighouts after a hectic weekend class. I will miss those "We-don't-plan-anything,we-just go-out-and-still-can-have-the-best-time-of-our-lives" things with my rumie. Lunch,work and literally useless but fun talk with Swati, Utsab an Wasim, These things are now an integral part of my life and sometimes when I think about them, moving on doesn't make sense.

This city has given me memories. A lot of them .

Although now my team is no longer a "team" as many people left the company, I will always be proud to have Sid as my team lead, my mentor , my friend and my icon. Going away from him is something I fear the most. Aww , there are yet many things to learn from him . I am sure I will be in touch with him (and vice versa . right Sid? ;))

Thanks to Vidhi, Rahul, vishal , Pankaj, Vanya,Amit, Priyanka, Somu ,Anandu, Yash, Rajeshwari ,Saurabh and Tushar Mama for tolerating and accepting me the way I am . You guys made my 2 years beautiful in a strange city !

Thanks to Vratant for teaching me how to live the life. No one can replace your company dude. I will keep the position reserved for you as my rumie, in case you come to Pune.

Angha, Mahim and Nisha and Diya please don't cry!(specially Diya, I know you will ! :P) You are the best(and most beautiful :D) friends I will ever have. I will still be flirting with you online ;) Thanks for being there whenever I needed you . And now stop bugging me for cutting my hair. It will grow by the time you see me again! :D

Hey Soumya! Is the beer deal still on ? Though I did not spend much time with you, I still had a lot of it ! We will be in touch, count me on that ! As I said, "the era has just begun " ;)

Last but not least, thanks to Rahul, Puneet, Shrawan , Umesh , priti and Aparna for the advices and company. I will miss you guys.

I am sorry If I have failed to mention anybody else . Damn it, I never thought my friend list will go to such an extend in two years.

A toast to Bangalore! Cheers :D

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Life Quotes !

Ever since I was a child, I have this habit of following great sayings or quotes. My day starts with keeping in mind some quotations, which I follow very strictly. These quotes have helped me in every aspect of my life and made me a happy-go-lucky nature guy! Or I may say, my entire life's principles are based on these quotes. Following are few of them.

1. Whenever you are in a trouble or feel that something has made your life worse, just ask yourself one question, "Will this even matter after 10 years?". If yes, then you seriously are in trouble. But most of the times, the answer will be a NO.

2. Give people more than they expect, and do it cheerfully.

3. Don't take life too seriously, you will never escape it alive anyway.

4. Only people you need in your life are the ones who need you in their lives.

5. Learn to listen, opportunity sometimes knocks very softly.

6. Patience and coolness are the only two things you need to live the life.

7. Pray ! Even if you don't believe in God.

8. Never give up . Success comes due to hard work ,not due to fate or talent.

9. People deserve a second chance, but not the third.

10. Never ever compromise on your self-respect and attitude.

11. Be nice to people, even to your enemies. Making someone happy doesn't cost you anything. Sooner or later, they will appreciate it. !

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Haha, I did it !

Phew..! One and half month's struggle finally came to an end..Happy Happy :)
Two months before I started searching for a new job and "The Interview Drama" very well explains my preparation stage. In two words, I sucked! I was irritated, frustrated for fluctuating between mba and technical and still not getting my hands on either of them. Each day, only one thought,"Am I good at anything? Anything at all?"
These 45 days tested my ego. I started from the scratch(at least for c++) and yesterday, while taking the interview for two big giants, I was surprised how well I did in everything. confidence level is certainly at it's peak! I cleared both Sony and Infosys.
Sony first.
There were 3 technical rounds and I rocked in all of them! UNIX, protocols, languages oh man..My heart was overwhelming for the effort I took in last 45 days and more importantly the way I explained things, sounding like a sheer genius(Mind you ,I am certainly NOT!).Cracked it , with a very very decent salary.
Infy was second. Thought to give it a shot as requirement was for the same skill levels.
Fate was strong as they started with Linux (Fav area :))and let it go for almost 1 hour in which I answered every damn question. Next C++ .This is was kinda tough as compared to Sony but did decent in that. Finally general telecom and after 2 hours, I was sitting with HR negotiating my package! Though the package is less as compared to Sony, good thing about Infy is it is considering 3 months notice period.(This is a minus about most of the companies,but glad Infy agreed on it.)
So now I have two offers and I am ready to kick my dear company's ass :P(Of course, offer letter is still not in hand, but it is just a formality. I Will get it by next week). Sony is worried about notice period factor but anyway, if I can convince my manager to release me before 3 months, I can get into it otherwise I will still have Infy for safe side!
Life is back on the track..Endless studying nights have ended . But the satisfaction of mastering something in which you were a naive is much more confidence boosting.
Now that I have settled on one side, I am thinking to postpone GMAT. But now it makes sense . Need lotta preparation before entering into this new(?) world!
P.S. Company People, please don't disclose this to anyone as there are still some important decisions to make! I hope you understand :)

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Born Again. Resurrected !

The effect of those memories was too intense to get rid of. Sitting in the darkness, He remembered that day,Nov 18,2000. The day which changed his identity, the very nature of who he was.

He was in 8th standard, with 5'3" height, with no social awareness. He had a problem with his tongue. He used to stammer. Everybody around him used to make fun of him and he never cared because he had accepted the fact that he was good for nothing. There was only good thing about him. He was a class topper . They had a combined class of boys and girls. And on the very first day, he saw her ! She was the most beautiful girl he has ever seen. With a 5'7" height, slim figure and with a humanly unimaginable beauty, she was far above any boy's standard. She was so beautiful that he even scared to talk with her.  But to his surprise , on fine day, she came to him and the guy went crazy just by talking to her ! So as time passed ,they became friend ( at least the guy thought so!), but he never realized that she was befriends with him only to let him down in grades. He helped her in everything. 7 months passed. Gradually ,the boy thought he has this "love" feeling for her but he was not even the option she could ever think of.  But love was love (ahh..at that age anything we feel was love!). So one fine day, he proposed her. As he had a problem with his tongue, he wrote down everything in a letter and gave it to her. She read it but din say anything. She asked him to meet on the next day. Boy was happy and waiting for the next day,Nov 18, 2000. Next day,he went to school to meet her, to persuade her. She was with 10 other girls and the stupid boy din have any idea what was coming to him. He went in the class. The first thing she did was to slap him. He stood there ,not saying anything.Then it started.

The first question she asked was, " Have you ever seen your face in the mirror ?" You don't even come up-to my breast . Look at your height. And about this letter bullshit. If you have guts, do one thing, Just say the entire sentence without a pause that "I love you and I want to marry you". You say this in one attempt and I will marry you. The boy stood there. Silently. He had nothing much in life but whatever it was, it was destroyed that day. Yet he tried.
I love..love ..you.. and..and ..I ..and stopped. Everybody around her started laughing. Then for next 40 minutes, she and her friends humiliated the very existence of him. They even insulted his parents for giving birth to him. The boy stood there, weeping and listening to each and every word. Then he came home and for the first time in his life, he cried. He cried for his appearance, he cried for his inability to speak. He cried for every god damn thing that was responsible for his identity.  Finally he decided to end his life. But there was someone who was there for him. His mother stopped him. She understood something very bad has happened to him . She asked and the boy told her everything. His mother listened silently and then finally she spoke.

You are my son.  Don't let someone insult you like this. Do you wanna die the way your were born? Doing nothing? The way that people wont even spit on your body? If you really are my son then show me that you have the guts. Show me that you can make people fall in love with you. Show me that you can make your identity. Or die insulted. I wont stop you .

That was the day, Many things changed. The boy quit school and decided to take the exam from home. For next 17 months, he did everything that listed impossible in his directory. For next 17 months, he slept only for 2-3 hours, concentrating rest of the time to work on his height, tongue twisters and with only one purpose in mind, "I don't wanna die like this!". Doctors even warned that if he din get sleep, he can go mental. But the boy din care anymore. All he wanted was to be better.Each passing Day.

As time passed,
A damn introvert, having no friends and most useless creature on the earth gradually turned into a person who now has some identity.
A boy who was 5'3" and who used to stammer turned into a 5'10" and a chatterbox.
A boy who almost never laughed in first 16 years turned into an ever smiling guy and a source for others to laugh.
A hopeless romantic turned into a damn good flirt.
A guy who once struggled for having one good friend now have dozens of people loving and caring for him.
Things were impossible, two people made them possible.

3 years passed. When the right time came, the boy went to see her. She din recognize him at first, She said ," Do I know you?" .The boy smiled on his victory. He said, you know me very well, just try to remember. She stared at him for 5 minutes and then suddenly shouted, Oh My God..I cant believe it, Are you what I think you are?
The boy just smiled and said, nope I am changed a lot. Thank you for everything. He then left and never saw that girl again.

Happy Ending.!!

 P.S. A fiction? Comment are deleted because those were leading to misunderstanding !

Saturday, October 23, 2010

The Interview Drama ! :D

Worst day of my life ever! Though now I am seriously preparing for GMAT, considering the booming market in Telecom, I decided to take an interview for Samsung and Aricent. Well, I regret my decision. This is one of the very few situations where I felt like I am the dumbest creature on the earth. Samsung had a written test which I couldn't clear. No regret for this! Test was damn tough. My head was literally spinning for first 10 minutes after looking at the questions. I abused myself with every possible "self-insulting" words when I found out that I can't get around. I am glad that at least I was not the only one having this feeling. After the confirmation from dozens of other interviewees, I somehow convinced my mind that test was really tough. But worse was yet to come. Being humiliated by the test, I then headed to Aricent walk ins. Oh man, why didn't someone stop me from doing that? There were two guys who interviewed me. It went something like this

1st guy - Okay Manoj, So tell me about yourself.
Manoj - (Yawning right on his face! Not my fault, I was awake since 2 am! ) ^%%&^**@$#
Both guys stare at me!
Manoj -(What?) excuse me, I am a bit exhausted.
2nd guy - So you are working with IBM past two years huh..Your coding must be excellent!
Manoj - (Damn you, If it were excellent, I would have been taking Google's interview. Not yours! But buck up Mani, this is not a place to cry about your project's poor exposure!) Well, we don't do extensive coding but yeah, I have a fair idea about fundamentals.
2nd guy - Cool. So tell me what do you do in your project.
Manoj-(What do you think I will do for 20 K? I come to office, I chat, I wander around, I go to cafeteria ,I hopelessly stare at the new girls in our project and then I go home!) I will give you a brief overview as my module is very large and explaining it will take much time. Is it okay? Feel free to interrupt me if you need details at any point in time.
2nd guy- Sure. Go Ahead.
Manoj - blah blah blah..^%^8&*((88#%#%
1st guy -Seems interesting. Tell me more about ^%&^
Manoj - Screw you. If I knew more, I would not have offered a " brief view"!) *&^*^ is blah blah blah..
2nd guy - So Manoj, can you write a program to &^*^&$
Manoj-(Yippee. I had mugged it day before yesterday. Lucky! Now listen jerk) sure. The logic goes as follows..%$&^&^
1st guy- Can you implement it using ^%%*%& ?
Manoj - (I bet even your father does not know how to implement it that way! Thank to god son, your at the other side of the table!) -I can try.
For next 10 minutes I wrote something which was hard to decipher. Even for me! Actually I gave up as soon as he asked that question. But well, let him think that I am doing something!
2nd guy- (Frustrated after 7 minutes..) Can you do it,Manoj?
Manoj - (Dumb-ass ,hell NO, but lets see what you have got!) Seems a bit tough, I have never used this type in my coding. But I am curious to know about it. Can you please explain it to me?)
Phew..and the sides change!
2nd guy Wrote some bullshit on the paper. Anyway,I don't give a damn to what he explained. But I had to pretend as if I am willing to learn!
Manoj- hmm..ohh..yeah..didn't strike me earlier..you are right!
1st guy - So do you know UNIX?
Manoj - (I know about UNIX more than your forefathers! Glad you came to this area. Now ask whatever you want! )Yes. I have a good grasp on UNIX fundamentals.
1st guy - Okay. I will come back to it later (He never did! :() first tell me more about %$%&*
Manoj - (You are a real son of a bitch.I know you have decided not to take me in.)
I don't know.(This time I was losing my patience,so no more polite words!)
2nd guy - I thought you know c++ well.
Manoj -(I never said this, you moron. Anyway.) As I said,we don't do extensive coding. But I am willing to learn (of course if you are willing to pay me twice my salary!)
1st guy - Wrote some crap function..Can you please explain the output of this function?
Manoj - (As if I am a walking compiler !) (That was a damn tough program code he had written) hmm..well..actually..basically..I can try..give me a minute please..okay..the output will be..I don't remember the implementation..but I think..this goes here..so ...returning value will be.. (and it went on..!)
1st guy - Never mind. What about this one (wrote another program!) and this time gave me 4 options. (He must have understood,this guy is gonna suck!)
Manoj - (choose something idiot..!Do inky-pinky-ponky--!) Answer will be option 3 (Damn it, give me less salary, but don't ask "how"?) (Thankfully he dint :))
2nd guy- So tell me about possible future scope in your project!
Manoj-(If my project had a "scope", I would not have bothered to come here, you really are a jackass!) blah..&%^&$#%#%..blah..^%$^
They asked 10 more questions after that and finally decided this guy is good for nothing..(yeah, I know it, why did it take so long for you guys to figure it out? :P)
Okay Manoj, please wait outside. We will let you know the results in a while!
Manoj - (Haha. Your company is not up to my standards! I don't want your job) okay. Nice to meet you both (But for God's sake, please don't ever meet me again,or else that would be your last day on the earth)
Then I came home,without even bothering to wait for results.
Happy(?) Ending!

But one thing,I never felt so humiliated in my life before this. I was damn good at some point in time in collage, but this mba fever took me away from technical.
But after this incident, I have decided to clear a damn interview first(I don't care if I get a job or not,I just want to satisfy myself that I can do it!). Screw the GMAT. I will postpone it again, if need arises. But now I cant sleep without clearing an interview. I am starting my technical preparation. Not because I want a job (yeah..that is a reason, but the main reason is I have to convince myself that I am good at technical. Because this is the first time I was so down in my own eyes) . And frankly I cant cope with this feeling. I always did things by giving my best shots. I go to extremities in anything I do(whether it is good or bad.)
So, next one month in technical studies and I will surely make the interviewer (and of course, my attitude!) happy.

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Confession of a Regretted soul

I lost 30K in Poker. This is first time in my poker history I lost so much money. I had stopped playing poker 7 months before,despite being very good at it. Though till date I have earned 1000s of dollars in poker, I stopped playing because somewhere deep inside I thought this is not a way to earn money. Now today, after 7 months, I was in desperate need of money for some family issue, so I decided to gamble. (This is not gambling,but still..) Ahh..nothing was in favor. My heart was screaming and asking me to stop, but I dint. What is wrong with me?In hope of earning more money,I lost my 3 month's saving. This is not a very good place for repentance but I have to tell it to someone. Anyone. So much for a guy who once boasted about his ability to control his mind. I feel like an idiot. I swear on my parents,I will never play poker again.
This is not about money,this is about life's principles. I never go against my principles,no matter what. I am sure I can earn everything back in one night, but I don't want to. I am glad at least I din lose anything from my pocket because that was poker saving. But damn it,when you are in need,source doesn't matter.
Anyway, good that this chapter ended once and for all. This has to end someday. The early the better.

Friday, October 8, 2010

The BirthDay !

Finally,one more year is added (subtracted?) to/from my life.No big deal.It happens sometimes ;) .more on this later!

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

When Things change..

There comes a point in your life from where things cannot get any worse. Accompanied cursed fate has changed many things in past two months. The effect was so severe that it isolated me from the world. It destroyed my sense of fear, worry, reality, relations, hopes and humor. The Only thing I did in past 15 days was thinking. Some people, I thought are the ones who will always give me a shoulder, were the first one who crushed me right under their feet, and some people whom I thought as "ready-to-dance-on-my -grave" were the ones who helped me in these critical situations. It's funny. It really is. The fact that I have to start everything from the scratch scares me. In one minute,I was secure and in next, insecure. Suddenly change has become enemy and I am trying to cling on to the past with dear life. I want to stop that moment when everything went wrong. But soon I realized past is drifting further and further away. Lying on bed, I feel like an idiot. My priorities have changed, my opinion about people has changed. But the storm inside is now settled. In one way, I have controlled my mind to think what I want to think. It is settled and the answers are now clear. I am still in the hope that sun will shine.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

The Lost Mind

It has been more than 4 nights, I am wide awake. Eccentric changes in heinous relationships and the fact that life cannot be predicted, have changed something in me. I no longer feel a part of this world, where there is no value for honesty, trust, caring nature or relations. The only person you can rely on for solving brutal problems of life is "you". Attachment, wanting someone's shoulder to cry on, someone to talk to or dependency on anyone is nothing but your weaknesses. Only haplessly incompetent people need these things. Within 3 weeks, I have buried that ever smiling, cracking-stupid-joke-on-every-single-sentence, caring and helping Mani somewhere deep in my heart. He is no longer a part of me. I no longer feel attached to anyone. I don't know what happened. Many things happened to me all of a sudden and the effect was catastrophic. It destroyed the very existence of me. I don't know how much time will it take me to recover from this impasse.

All I want to do now is to be focused on my future. My desire to be perfect in my dreamed aspects has grown more stronger. Ever since I was born, life has never been fair to me. I struggled almost in every phase. Very few people know the struggle I did for my entire goddamn identity. But I never complained. I smashed the fate every-time it tried to let me down. But there has to be limit. I mean why me? This fact turned me into an agnostic 5 years before. I never believe in God. Because if he were there, he would have done something about me. But he never helps. May be God only helps the stronger. So damn it, one day, I will be. No matter how many times you let me down, I will come back. So dear god and all those "inspirational" people, WATCH ME !

Sunday, July 18, 2010

GMAT : The End?..A New Beginning..

Many things have changed in last week. For some personal reasons, my family is going through a very flinty situation and I have decided to postpone the exam by 5 months. To be honest, this is not what I wanted. I was in extreme positive mood about taking the exam and resigning my job. But sometimes things change with a blink of an eye and you are forced to take some tough decisions. I am not demotivated. I just need to devote some time to my family. And considering some other situations, I have planned to take the exam in January. But this decision did not sway my attitude towards the exam neither I will stop studying. In fact, this dilemma has enlivened my desire to get an mba, at any cost.And I have got enough patience to wait for the right time. It's okay to lose a couple of battles, keep your eyes focused on the war! But one thing for sure,  you will never know how bad life can get. Even perfectly planned things descend into an anarchy. All you can do is to have faith in your abilities.I need to be focused for next 5 months. I know it's tough. But I am left with the only option. After all, this is not the end. It's just a new beginning.

Saturday, June 19, 2010

My Life Partner!

Well, Since few days, I am getting this question every now and then. "Mani, what are your expectations from your life partner?" And all I can do is to stare at the questioner! I mean come on, I am just 22 and I have many things to accomplish in my life before I get into this love feeling. (Of course, hope so, it will be a love marriage!). It's not that I am a saint and I never flirted with girls. I did and I do! But deciding your life partner needs time. I mean much time. I have a poster of "suggestion for Success" hanging on my wall and the very first point is "Marry the right person. This one decision will determine 90% of your happiness or misery. Anyway, not getting into that "I-will-give-you-lectures-about-how-a-life-partner-should-be" mode, I will just jot down things that I expect from my life partner!

1. She should NOT be perfect. Well, yes, no one is perfect. But still there are certain creatures in this world who are close to perfect. I mean I have seen some girls who are gorgeous, talented, good in nature, passionate and what not! But so far I have observed that perfection goes hand in hand with the arrogance. I want someone who is down to earth. At least She should know the fact that she is not the only one in the world.

2. The most important condition, She should take care of my parents. I am the only son of my parents and considering "I-want-my-own-space" mentality of our young generation, I think I may need to search for a long time for a woman possessing this quality. I don't expect her to bow down before my parents and take care of them as if it's her duty. But at least she should give them the respect they deserve. And of course, same is equally applicable to me when it comes to her parents.

3. She should be at least 5'1"-5'2".

4. Though I am of the mentality to prefer nature over the looks, things need to be a bit practical. Of course, nature is the first thing I will look at, but yes, she should at least be noticeable, if not good looking.
After all, I will have to my life with her, and you know how guys are :)

5. She should be educated! I think it is very important to have that compatibility level with your fellow partner, otherwise practically, things become difficult. I am okay if she earns or doesn't earn. It really doesn't matter. Because deep inside I know I will earn enough amount so as not to let my family deprived of any facilities! So even if she earns, it's her choice whom to spend money on. I will not interfere with it!

6. I won't give a damn about her background or any bad thing related to her family. After all, she didn’t born in that particular family by her choice :) And it's the girl I want to marry, not her family.

7. I am not race-caste biased. My parents had love marriage. Though my mother has some personal reasons and she wants me to marry me a girl of our caste, I can persuade her! I am okay to marry a girl of different caste or religion. It is least of my worries. And if she loves me, I have enough guts to convince her parents about the same factor!

8. I don't mind if she drinks or smokes or is a non-veg eating girl  (My entire family excluding me is vegetarian. I had to learn to eat non-veg to survive in hostel and now in south India). But there should be a limit about drinking-smoking habits. I think these things do not necessarily decide a person's character. It's okay to do them in a moderate proportion.

9. She should be caring and romantic. At least honest in relationship. I don't give a damn about her previous life. Whether she had a boyfriend or not or anything for that matter. But once we are in a relationship, we should be loyal to each other.

10. I am enough broad minded to accept the fact that if she is working too, then she may not be able cook or may have to stay for long hours in the company or she may have friends or colleagues just like I do. These people might be in our lives before we will even meet each other. So cut the crap! She will have her liberty and own-space about these things :)

11. I prefer someone who is from my field. Though the lowest of all conditions. I think if partners are from the same educational background then it helps them to understand each other’s concerns in more relative ways.

12. I am okay if she is elder to me by 2-3 years. It doesn't matter. After all, we never know what will happen in next moment :) I want to be with her and not with her age

Well, as of now, this is it! I believe these are very simple and straightforward expectations, still I can compromise if situation demands it. (Sometimes even a single factor about the person is sufficient to spend the entire life with him/her!). It's been quite some time that I haven't posted anything on this blog. GMAT is on my nerves. 46 days to go. More on this later.

Sunday, June 13, 2010

My mother was right, Hell is real

I didn't post anything in past 6 days (on the GMAT blog), and I hated it! I am devastated. Work load is increasing day by day and I am not able to cope up with maintaining both job and studies. But it's not really about work. I still come from office around 6 but the guilty part is, I don't study. My Exam is just 50 days away and I am losing my grasp. When I see my friends enjoying life, I feel like why I am the only one who has to lock himself at home for studies? Why can't I be careless and stop worrying about this bullshit thing? This feeling wasted my 3 days. I was out and partying like a wild animal. But then I realized that it's complete foolishness. It was I who decided to go for the exam. It was I who want to be something in my life. What we are doing for enjoyment now is just hallucination. Real enjoyment of life will last till the end if we build a solid base in earlier years. As they say, "it always tastes bitter before sweet"! Well, I regret what I did this week, but it's better late than never. Now I am back, rocking and kicking. I have revised my timetable so as to compensate the lost time. Hopefully I will do it. It's very important to stay motivated. When feel frustrated, I picture a Top B-school, my first day, that environment and of course! my first 6 digit pay check. That everything brings me back to my schedule. What the heck, if these 50 days will decide my lifetime then I would like to screw my parties, my friends and everything for that matter. Let’s get back to real enjoyment! When you feel like giving up, think of all the reason why you held it for so long, Do or Die is the old saying, "Do before you Die" is the new one. Hold on GMAT, Mani is back !

Sunday, May 30, 2010

My Friends,My Life.. :)

How many people are there with whom you can share the deepest secret knowing that it will remain a secret? That if the entire world refuse to stay with you, they will always be there behind you? That they can do anything just to make you smile? That they can travel all across the way just to "see" you at once? that you can call them not caring what time of the night it is, just to say "I am missing you"? In short how many friends you have as your "BEST" friends? 1?2?4? Well, I am blessed in this case, I have at least 12 such friends who are an integral part of my life. Who made my life. Who were/are/will be there with me through thick and thin. Who believed in me. Who always stood behind me. They are the people I own for a lifetime. Here are the people I love more than my life.

Not to make this list contentious, I will list them alphabetically :)

1. Akanksha - This girl came in my life one and half years before, but man! It feels like she is there with me since my childhood. An ever smiling gal,a chatter box. She knows almost everything about my life. The best thing about her is I can fool her anytime and she doesn't mind! She always believed in my capabilities and assured me that I am destined to do greater things in my life. She can talk for hours, and the best part is you don't get bored with that :) God bless u my buddy..Tu duuu duuunn !!

2. Angha - She is with me since my collage days, but we came closer few years before. If she is there,I don't need anyone else. She can tolerate my balderdash for hours,and still can say, "I love it when you talk!" This is the only case I am into a role of a chatter. She is a no-nonsense girl and I am still investigating if she has any of those "girls" qualities. She hate shopping, for example. She doesn't like chocolates. And she may not talk unless asked to! And yes,she came traveling 1000 kms just because I said "I am feeling lonely!!" Crazy?? You bet she is!

3. Ashish - This guy is an equal mixture of coolness and sentiments and a damn good cook. He was my collage roommate, now working in Delhi and god, I miss him. I miss all those parties, all that struggle for money to have two bottles of beer. Sharing only a cigarette among three friends, those forest night-outs, those long night talks, those sharing of secrets. I miss you buddy. :) Saale "garib" ! :P

4. Alex - He is destined to rule the world. I spent few months with him, but he always will be an icon for me. At the age of 22, he had every plan about how to make money, and opened his own company. He always has a bigger picture on his mind and he can beat anyone when it comes to applying profit making fundamentals. Sheer talent!

5. Diya - She is a beauty queen!  And yet manages to go with no ego or arrogance. A damn romantic and jolly person I have ever met. And yes, she is flirty too :P When I took critical decisions of my life, she was the one who guided me. She taught me how to struggle for a dream and make it a reality. She is forthright and is never afraid to speak her mind. I mean it's rare to see a girl with both "beauty and brain" (no offense!). I call her at any possible weird timings but she never complains. All she says is "Hey sweetie,are you okay?" :D 

6. Mahim - She is two years elder to me, but I bet she looks at least 10 years younger! There are countless poor creatures who had proposed her, but bad luck! When I hang out with her, almost everyone on the street stares at us wondering what good deeds this boy had done in the past to be with her. And mind you, if you even dare to go out with her, you should be extremely conscious about how you look. She made me go home from a party just because I was wearing a pair of jeans for the third time in a row :) . She is very organized and one mistake can make you suffer at least for a "3-hour-lecture" :P

7. Nisha - We came closer through our MBA coaching classes. And whoever said girls are not good in mathematics or technical, was a liar! She alone is sufficient to beat 10 techies like me. She is a career oriented person and have a clear idea about what she is doing or why she is doing. A party animal, always ready for hangouts (at least with me :)). If I feel lonely, all I have to do is to call her or to meet her! We meet, we talk on phone and then again we come online for a talk! It never feels enough to be with her. Now she is in IIM-A, but she never misses calling me once in a day.

8. Vaiju This guy is more like a brother to me than a friend. A crazy, wild, careless, not-afraid-to-do-anything kinda guy. He is the one who can do anything (yes,anything) for me. He was there with me almost in every phase of my life. And yes, he abandoned his girlfriend just because she dint like me and asked him to choose either of us. If he or I were gay,we would have made a very nice couple :). He knows in and out of me and can go beyond the normal boundaries to make me smile. Love you buddy. :)

9. Rachana - She is the only person who can tell you what is going on my mind. No matter how good I am in convincing people, I cannot play words with her and I hate that fact. Even before I talk, she can predict what will I say and in what mood I am. Gosh! Sometimes I am so afraid of her that I literally keep my mouth shut and just perform role of a good listener. I guess she knows about me more than my mother, or more than any other person on the earth.

10. Sunny - He is with me since my school days. A very down to earth person and my best mate. He is so in our family that sometimes my parents don't even miss me if he is there. He helps them in everything and I always think that he is a part of my family. A very honest and loving creature!

11. Sumit - He also was my roommate in engineering. He taught me how to take everything in life in a positive manner. In 4 years,I haven't seen him depressed even for a single day! The "best-sportsman-of-the-year" award winner for 3 consecutive years, this guy knows how to live a life! It's very hard to find what is going on his mind and damn, he is handsome! With 6 ft height and an athlete built, any girl can fall prey to him. He is the person I talk when I am depressed.

12. Sweetu ( shiksha) -10 PM and I have to be online. No matter what! Even a difference of 5 minutes here and there brings down her to "I-don't-wanna-talk-with-you-EVER" mood. In her case, distance never really mattered to me. We spend endless hours chatting together and though through chatting, we are in damn good relationship. She is easy to go out with, a very innocent and uncomplicated person.

Thanks guys for being with me.you are the first 12 people I never wanna lose in my journey of life. Cheers!

Sunday, May 16, 2010

A Girl's Psychology :)

1. Gossip isn't a sin. It's an art!

2. They don't wake up looking pretty. It takes time and effort. For most of them.

3. They win the argument. Period.

4. They love Ben and Jerry's more than "you"

5. They are not ashamed of crying

6. They must go to the restrooms in groups

7. Behind every Bitch, there is a guy who made her that way

8. They love their best friends more than their boyfriends

9. No matter how does a girl look or how rude or selfish she is, she has a boyfriend

10. They should be treated equally with boys when it comes to receiving pay checks but when it comes to "work", they must be treated like a "girl"

11. They have this thing called feeling. Don't hurt them!

12. They look good, no matter what they wear

13. Love may be their first choice, but money and security factor also give a tough competition. 

14. Their eyes are located in their heads, not on their chest or ass . So when you are not looking in their eyes, THEY KNOW.

15. They look cute when they argue.

16. Never ever ask a girl what she weighs or how old  is she, just don't do it.

17. They can understand your intentions just by the way you touch them. 

18. No matter how close you are to them, they can easily neglect you or can completely forget about you, if they want.

19. Their heels may look hot, but they hurt like crap.

20. They hold grudges and they never forget  things you say to them that hurt.

21. No guy wants to marry a whore. Well, no good girl wants to marry a pimp either. 

22. It is funny the way they hit you and expect it to hurt!

23. The only thing you can do when a girl cries is to be there, not uttering a single word.
Believe me, you saying anything will make it only worse.

24. Boys should never use girls as an object. Girls get scattered. But vice versa is not true or not necessary or not worthy to mention!

25. If you take their chocolates, they will get ugly.

26. They aren't all blond bimbos. So stop treating them like one.

27. They always fish for compliments!

28. When you have a girl in your life, things organize themselves. You will no longer be a dirty-messy-with no-dressing-sense-bachelor.

29. They are unpredictable. The best way to deal with them is simply not to expect anything.

30. When they say, "let’s not fight anymore", all you have to do is wait for a day or two!

Saturday, May 8, 2010

The ocean of emotions.

Today is his birthday. I dialed the same number again and again and then allowed it to let go after realizing the fact that it does not exist anymore. He left for his heavenly abode two years before. The day, May 8,2008, is the one I will never forget. Sagar came to my house, fully drunk. He had lost the only person he loved more than his life. He had crossed all the possible boundaries  for that one person. But Like all other girls, she was selfish. And I have no regrets or offense to say this now, because I have seen one of my best friends die for nothing. They met. Fell in love. He proposed. She accepted. Vows of togetherness were taken.  But today, he realized how sunken the promises were. She had decided to get married to an NRI guy her parents had chosen. When a girl has  an option between a lucrative future with a guy of her caste and someone whom she loves, most of the times, she goes for the former choice. It’s beauty of being a girl that you can easily neglect someone with whom you are in love for 3-4 years. She was no exception. But he couldn't bear that shock. When he came to me, he was scattered into pieces, crying like a kid who might have lost its loveliest thing. We were together for next three hours. I tried every way to console him, but I failed to realize what is coming next. If only I knew he would do such a thing, I could have made any attempt to stop him from doing. But alas. Though I knew how much this fact had shattered him, I believed it is more of his drink showing such extreme emotions. I was wrong. After lecturing him for three hours, I asked him to go to home and to have some sleep, oblivious that this is the last time I am talking to him. He committed suicide on that very evil night, on his birthday. I was his best friend and perhaps the only friend who knew every deepest secret of his life. How could I not see what was on his mind? I will never be able to forget it and forgive myself for that reason. I am sorry buddy. I could have saved you. You really deserved more than that shameless and selfish creature. I miss you. I really do. Wish you many happy returns of the day Sagar. May your soul rest in peace.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

20 Facts about me..!

1. I have the most ancient name and I still hate my grandmother for choosing it.

2. I hate it when I need to tell people that I have cracked a joke and they ought to laugh.(though a rare case)

3. Even though I know things will get worst if I don't take an action now, I like them to keep pending until my ass is on fire.

4.  I am obsessed with cleanliness syndrome. I don’t step in my bedroom if I find even a single dust particle. I clean my flat once in a day, no matter how tired I am.

5. My senses are abnormal (or extremely sharp, to put it in a sophisticated way!). I usually observe even the minute details of a person/things and can smell the things even from a mile. (yes, like a dog, as you may call it!)

6. By the time I quit my job, I will forget how to speak "No-Grammatical-Mistake" English..!

7. I am too childish at times and too mature at times. People normally get confused because of this extremity in my nature.

8. I am good at convincing people. (Specially girls, not a born skill, a learned one)

9. I usually spend my "hard-earned" money on the most useless things in the world. Then I regret it and then I do it again.

10. I can be romantic, sentimental or a comedian depending upon the situation. I play well in any role.

11. If I like it, I watch a movie or read a novel for N number of times.

12. I am still learning how to console a girl when she cries.

13. 70% of my best friends are far more superior than me. Thanks to rest of the creatures for moral support..!

14.I don't talk by default. I talk on demand. I can keep my mouth shut as long as I want.

15. If given a choice between "a pretty girl's friendship" and "a beer" ,with no doubt, I will choose latter.

16. Appearances are deceptive and I stand as a testimony to it.

17. I brush my teeth and take shower twice a day, though it has nothing to do with personal hygiene.

18. I like my privacy, I don't poke my nose in others private matter, unless absolutely necessary and expect the same from the other side.

19. I am an ardent fan of girls with good dressing sense than the good looking girls.

20. I don't run after people or things, even if they mean a lot to me. I allow them to let go if situation demands it.

Monday, April 19, 2010

A Typical Day at THE Office...!!!

Ney! Misleading title! A typical day at my office is now becoming more like an ordinary day. The guy who used to work almost for 12-13 hours, gradually learned how to live the corporate life :) And Bingo! Only with a book named "How to manage(or kill!) time when you are at office" (Don't ask me who is the author. It's a hidden treasure) and with some guidance from my cohorts, I have aced the art of keeping my professional and personal life way apart from each other. Though the work load is triple than it used to be, now I usually devote only 20% of the time working efficiently. (Come on! Don't give me that look, everyone else in IT does it). I no longer care about my manager's "I-will-throw-you-out-if-you-don't-work" look neither I care about the deadlines. Gone are the days when I used to slog my ass for the entire night to solve a priority issue.

Here was my regular day at office 1 year before.

9 in the morning and I am at my desk! (Every neonate goes through it), spending maximum half an hour in checking mails and other crap. Like a newly honeymoon couple committed to sex, I then used to switch to the client port and get myself immersed in that coding and debugging stuff. Terms like "coffee breaks" or "going down for a walk" were yet to be invented in those days. After 3 hours of mental torture and struggle with that "you-need-a-genetically-cloned-brain-from-Newton-to-understand-me" technical stuff, I used to leave for lunch.

Overwhelmed with "I-have-to-be-honest-in-my-work-to-go-up-in-the-corporate-ladder" feeling, I used to finish my lunch within 45 minutes and used to come back to the desk again! For Next five hours (yes, without a single coffee break. And if sometimes I got that opportunity to go for a coffee with someone ,it was more like an incentive), the situation used to be no less than a battlefield, with the only soldier fighting with c++, Linux, Telecom, protocols and debugging the most critical issues that have no solution.(I mean, at least logically, no solution).

By the time I debug something and could even enjoy the satisfaction like a cat having eaten the mouse, It used to be 9 PM! (No, it was not a typical day, it alarmingly used to be EVERYDAY at my dear office.) I continued this schedule for almost 9-10 months, opening up myself to every single client and manager's mail which literally had the potential to rape me (Of course, mentally! :P. You guys never think sober, do you?) . And to be honest, this did not bring me anything apart from my manager's "You-are-still-not-there-buddy" opinion. He is obdurate in his determination to hate me. I made every attempt to show myself in better aspect but some people are immune to notice work. But then, as they say,"TIME CHANGED."

Now after 20 months, Here is what I do in my office :)

My phone rings, "where the hell are you Mani? you are again late!" and I jump out the bed and don't even dare to look at the watch (Because I very well know, it's either mid-day or ahead). Find a reason you idiot, I murmur to myself. Well, as my friends say, I am good at it! There are standard reasons to which no one can object and I have a list of them, which I use alternate day. (And yes, recycle them after some point in time!) The most effective one's include

1.MONDAY - "My aunt suddenly showed up, I had to go to pick her up at the airport" [If it's quarter past 11]

2.TUESDAY - I am not feeling well (Yes, you can be sick as many times as you want.) [if it's half past 11]

3.WEDNESDAY - Hussshhhh. My favorite day as my manager works from home!

4.THURSDAY - My roommate forgot to keep the key. (As we have only one key and he is careless, I have to wait for him until he comes back. I cannot leave the door open) works most of the times. (Usually when it's 12 PM. Yes, I do have my own key. Do you mind? :P). My rumie, the poor creature doesn't even know how much I use him.

5. FRIDAY- I got stuck in traffic. Well, no one can complain about it, everybody knows it's Bangalore. (Though very few people know the fact that I stay right beside my office, which is a 5-min walk from my apartment. But as long as my manager doesn't figure it out, who cares?). This is again when it's quarter past 11)

I switch the"day-reason" combination depending upon various situations and time availability and in rare cases, if I am in a good mood (or have nothing else to do on this Earth), I show up at 10 :)

Well, This is just an exercise before coming .What do you think I do after coming to office? Sample this.

We have a team meeting at quarter to 12, and If I am available, we spend next one hour in the cafeteria( Yes, My teammates, including team-lead are compatible with me in every aspect of this corporate time management. Sometimes I even think we did our graduation from the same collage. Thanks a ton to them for creating "we-don't-give-a-damn" milieu..). So by the time we finish our "coffee-cum-official(?)-meeting", it's lunch time..:)

My lunch now takes almost 2 hours (Which includes meandering around feminine creatures and discussing the most useless topics in the world). Real work starts at 3. Now if there are critical issues, I actually work..( Yes, experience of more than one year in the same field and struggle in those initial days have made me efficient enough to complete the work in half of the time, which, otherwise needed a full day attention.) Then dot at 6 PM, I close my shop (In this case, shut down my computer, no matter what)

Welcome to the corporate world. :D

Thursday, April 15, 2010

The Life Cycle :)

No matter how much we struggle in life, eventually, we end up at the point where we started.

At age 4 success is not peeing in your pants.
At age 12 success is having friends
At age 16 success is having a drivers license.
At age 20 success is having sex.
At age 35 success is having money.

At age 50 success is having money.
At age 60 success is having sex.
At age 70 success is having a drivers license.
At age 75 success is having friends.
At age 80 success is not peeing in your pants.

Weird..isn't it? :)

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Go Greeen. Please!

Day before yesterday, Bangalore recorded the highest temperature of 39.5 in last 25 years. Who cares? Right?

We, the inhabitants of earth have reached the state where we need to redesign and reconsider our living ways for further survival on this planet. My heart aches for the fact that we, human devils, have destroyed almost 89% of the forest cover that the earth had in 19th century and the remaining 11% too is under the serious threat of ruin. Can't we see, what are we doing for our greed?

Now a days, it rains even in the peak of summer and we can no longer call June-September a "rainy season". What have we gained from this? A 10 stories IT building or a fucking 1000 acres industry? Or a huge 3-BHK apartment having no oxygen?

India sucks the most. We don't have proper laws for pollution control. Even if they are there, nobody gives a fuck. The politicians are only interested in money and the pollution caused by this cab drivers and autoworkers is something I can't even express in words.

I vividly remember our campus of Manyata Embassy Business Park before 2 years. It was a place to stay around. Over the years, number of trees reduced almost to zero. I wrote a  letter to the owner of this park about the importance of trees in campus areas and how much we are screwed by this fact. But all I got in response was, "Dude, relax. I cannot control the entire Bangalore's pollution. Anyway, having trees won't help me to earn money, but having a company campus in the same place gives me enough to satisfy my daily needs!". Now how should I reply to this idiot? If a person earning more than 1 crore per year can say this, what would be the thinking of middle class people?

I don't want to give lectures about how trees are useful or what can we do to stop global warming. I am very well aware that all of us know how to do it. But the point is will we ever open our eyes? Are we really the most talented creatures on the earth? If someone thinks so, I feel pity about it.

All I can say is, there has to be a starting. If you think that you alone cannot save the world, then you are right. But you can at least save yourself by doing the needful. Go Green..Please.

Friday, April 9, 2010

Life's Lessons Learned

1. If you can't achieve something in normal ways, try being a Psycho. It works. All that matters is your passion and attitude.

2. Ignorance is bliss as long as it's from your side. But it becomes a curse otherwise.

3. Stay away from love and trust till the time you achieve something in life. Do I even need to elaborate on this?

4. After 9 failures,10th is the success. But most of the times, we quit at 9. Patience is a learned skill.

5. One category of people is your parents, who will never leave you alone, no matter what. Another is Everyone else.

6.Time Does heal everything. Give time, some time.

7. You just lost everything? Think again? There ALWAYS is a new start. Remember rule number 6.

8. Laugh, cry, joy and anger. All are vital. These mixed feelings make us Human. Learn to make peace with each feeling. 

9. People deserve a second chance, but not the third.

10. Things you need the most come back to you if you don't follow them. They will. It's all written.

Friday, March 26, 2010

The Time Factor...!!

Recently I am going through a very tough phase, which deals with managing my time.The work load is increasing like anything and I have no time to study. There was a time I used to study at least for 3 hours of day, despite any god damn fact, but now it has become impossible to be focused. 

Well,there are two main reasons.

1.My project went bust. NSN is one of the most expensive and innovative projects, and perhaps the only project which boasts to be in research and development type but still falls under GBS. (we usually have these kinda projects for ISL..err..just digest it..!). There are many reasons why this project went bust so lets not get into that. Over the time, branches in US,Germany closed and the work has been transferred to India. (Indians do the same amount of work in 1/3rd of any other IT animal's salary in the world. Budget management you see !) And now the condition is that every person in my team will be burning his ass almost three times as much as we used to . (of course with the same amount of salary) So unwillingly(yes,unwillingly !)I will have to be in office for more than 10 hours (hmm I usually work for 8 hours now-a-days, which include a 2 hour lunch and 3 coffee breaks, one hour each !:)) at any given point in a day. So when I come to my sweet home following this routine, forget about studying for an hour or two, even the very thought resting your ass on study table becomes atrocious. I have my GMAT exam in august and the only chance to get outta this poor(?) and unpredictable IT industry. And I am stuck with this project which has no future and can be shut down anytime. But I have no choice but to work(hey after all,I also pay my bills :()

2.My sleep routine..!!There was a time I was bound to (and used to) follow my sleep timings. Of late, I have been fluctuating between hyper insomnia and oversleeping and I cant find out why. Sometimes I sleep for almost 11-12 hours(And mind you, I do this on weekdays, weekends are a different story) and when I wake up, it's usually mid day and that is when I go to my dear office. (Perhaps the last person who enters in those hallowed walls of IBM) or some time, I literally wake up in d middle of a night(2-2.30AM..!!) and do nothing but try to sleep again. If that does not happen, (which in most cases, doesn't..I just pass the time by doing anything but study).And finally by mercy of my sleep, I doze off around 5-6 and when I wake up,its again mid-day or something, giving one more chance to my manager to put me on that  "I will-fire-this-asshole"s list..!!

Aww..I used to be a very punctual guy for the past 15 years.Now what the hell is happening to me? I even tried a time table(Yes, I actually follow it rigorously.No laughing please!) about my study and sleeping timings but it just doesn't work :(

Project is having very critical circumstances and if I don't get out of it this time, I am going to have no future. But still this bloody sleep overcomes these thoughts..!! :( well,what the hell, I don't wanna live just by earning 20k for my entire lifetime! I will get out of it..(hopefully at least on the day before taking the exam.)Because If I don't manage TIME this time, this Mr.time will be managing me soon !

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Something From Deep Inside

Yesterday I was waiting at a railway station to receive my friend. One stranger came to me and asked for 100 Rs. change. While giving it to him, a 2 Rs. coin slipped outta my wallet, so, by habit, I Picked it and touched it to my forehead. And I realized the stranger in front of me was in tears !

I asked him the reason, he didn’t reply but on the other hand, he asked back a question. "Why did you touch that coin to your head?”. I, being a fool, gave a foolish reply, "It’s Goddess Lakshmi and I should respect her". And I was astounded by the stranger’s reply. “Always give respect to your money. There was a time I was a millionaire. But I never respected my wealth, and now look at me. I don’t even have money to eat daily bread." And without waiting for my reply, he disappeared in the crowd.

When experts discuss topics like Recession, slowdown, cash crunch, layoffs then I feel frustrated by the hype we have created about it. I am no finance expert neither this is the topic I can talk. But the effect that these things have on our daily life forces me to think about something.

Our forefathers came from many different villages to the city. They bought houses by saving each penny. During those days, words like “savings” were not for teaching people how to and why to save. That was an integral part of our forefather’s lives. People used to save money at least 2-2 months before buying an ordinary item like pressure cooker. The house was not addressed as “one-room-kitchen”. No matter how small the space is, the feeling that we are living in our “own” house was sufficient. No one really needed their “own space” for living. So dozens of guests were welcomed In a 2 room house. Women had so much daily work to do that they never had necessity of joining aerobic/yoga classes. People not only knew their neighbours but everyone in the town lived as if they are a family.

Then time changed. Wages of our young and dynamic generation increased day by day. We now came to our "Big" apartments! Earlier when relatives used to come, we had very little space to accommodate them. Today, space has expanded but now we don’t even have time to visit them, let alone staying there for a couple of weeks. In earlier days, there used to be only one TV and entire village could claim its authority on it. Now-a-days we have at least 3-4 TVs in a home because everyone wants to watch a different channel. Gone are the days when people used to buy new cloths only on some special occasion. Instead of having cheap or expensive category, we now have "full payment" or "EMI." or "credit/Debit card".

Do you even realize how much we have changed our definition of “NEED” with the changing time? (and of course salary). I am not saying this because I don’t want money. I certainly do. I love it as much as you do. But that is not the whole issue. The question is if tomorrow something bad happens and we have to manage with a very little amount of money, will we be able to do it? I guess NO. Are you aware that banks are not only for the purpose of drawing money but sometimes we should also deposit something in it?

Let’s see positively towards recession, slowdown or the layoffs incurred because of it. In these situations, we will at least come to know what our true "needs" are. When everything was fine, we had enjoyed it to the fullest. So why can't we accept it if the situation is not so good now? In greed of earning more and more money, do you remember how many old friends and relatives you have lost? When was the last time you called all the numbers you have in your cell? or visited all the people you lost contact with? When was the last time you saw the sunset or sunrise and smiled? when was the last time you actually not worked and relaxed for a day with your family? Have you even talked once to your next door family or your neighbour ?

Let’s spend 30% of the time in a week for doing the things that won't help us to earn a penny. Just fill your life with the people you love, for your hobbies, for the things you want to do and see, how Happy you are..! We really have "lot of money" but the problem is, all our money is wasted in showing people that we have it. Let’s not allow things like recession or depression affect us. Don't forget about the rule of nature. Something that is going up will certainly go down sometime.

Get hold of your "piggy bank" laying somewhere in the corner of your room. Open it gently. what do you find? You will find some coins that you had saved for buying something that you like, you will find a clock that you had bought for your father from your very first salary. You will find the ticket of a bus you boarded while going for your first interview! Can you see that yellow ticket?? It's the ticket of a movie you watched by saving money from your pocket. Search deeper in your piggy bank. What do you find? You will find a plenty of free time, memories, struggle, those funny moments with your near and dear ones, those crazy things you did with your friends, that canteen, your last bench, those 20 Rs. prepaid recharge coupons, friends who were so close to you once but now the inability to contact them, and many things that you gained or lost during your journey. Just watch that piggy bank once with your eyes wide open and then close it. Keep that piggy bank in a place where your eyes will always remain focused on it and then continue with your life. Does something just changed? If yes, what is it? :)