Saturday, May 23, 2009

Why did you leave me? When did you leave me? Where was I when this happened?

Breaking up is painful. Perhaps one of the most painful experiences an individual can suffer. Often times in the days and weeks after a love break up all the signs become painfully clear. The tiny changes that you do not notice when you're still along with your ex stare you in the face when you're alone and thinking back. Aside from wallowing in self-pity or anger, you swim in alcohol or follow the path of destruction called "smoking" or pen down the things and later tear them off to recover from a heartbreak, at least temporarily. Until you realize that you  are just making your life hell by allowing these things to enter in your life. So you quit, but the pain still remains alive.

You do everything to forget the pain of having to let go of your partner after what seemed to be a thousand years of being together. You try to put yourself back together and learn to accept that things like this happen. But your mind refuse any co-ordination with your feelings. No matter how much you love your gal, she seems to make everything hard for you two. You know that no one loves your gal more than you do; however, in the end, you have to let her go.You have to face the fact that the relationship is not just working anymore.

You hate it that you’re now just one of the ex-boyfriends on your partner's list.
You sensed it when you were still together. Then again, you felt that her love was real and you were sure about your feelings, too. There were more good things than bad things in your relationship. You are a typically stubborn guy so you pursued the relationship even though your instincts told you otherwise. And finally one day,despite of your pain-taking attempts, your most dreaded fear became a reality!

And the journey of yours with "no-one-around" begins. You suddenly feel like not looking in mirror,because you refuse to accept that it will show you your losing face. You madly look at the cell again and again and carry it with you almost 24/7, hoping that she will call, but it never rings. You find yourself dialing only one number, no matter whom you want to call to.

Every little moment irritates you in a way that you literally don't sleep for days, even for weeks. You just don't care about what you wear, with whom you are talking, whether you had your lunch, whether you had pain, whether you cried for hours . Hell. Is this what you deserve for being honest in relationship?

How it can be so easy for someone just to throw you apart for materialistic things and to make you scattered for entire life? To make you emotionally killed that you won't even dare to utter that "Four letter word" for rest of your life?  Even after months of your break-up, you can't forget a single moment being shared. Can't this creature called GOD see you dying for nothing?

Why someone makes you pay for your honest things? Why can't you just ignore her and make-up with any girl around, specially when you have options and yes, now experience.
How many tears must you shed to cleanse yourself of her? Someone said Reality is a state of illusion. Therefore, reality couldn't possibly exist. So why did you think she was for real?

You rejoiced in her. What splendid, fascinating, and new things she brought to your stagnant life. For instance, she could talk for hours about you and her feelings for you. And now, months later you realized that she can even talk for hours "without" you and her feelings about you. But still you have no hard feelings about her. You can Never have them. May be because the one good thing she did was to doubt your capabilities, and it is sufficient for you to go beyond your boundaries to be a successful person in life, in every aspects. She will always be a strong reason for making your life both hell and heaven.

But all I can say is I used to treat those who did me wrong with disdain and nonacceptance  I was afraid that if I were to treat them nicely it would mean that I was giving them the 'go-ahead', 'thumbs-up', to hurt me again.

Little did I know that I was only reaffirming that their choice to hurt me to begin with was the right choice.

4 comments:

  1. dude..wat happened to u??i knw ur a man who wil nvr share d secrets..:-)..newaz nis article..but i guess u hv written it in a vry causal way..otherwis u rock in anythng related to luv n writing..lolzzzz

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  2. u dnt need to use an anonymous a/c for teasing me neel..lolzz..thnks by d way..v need to change some habits..u c!!

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  3. sumday plz do tell me what had happened...I would really want to know

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  4. did u not read the "P.S."??lol its nt about me.:)

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